Victim or Hero

We all are goal-orientated to some degree. Society has evolved to the point where we spend at least eight hours per day earning a living to put food on the table, another eight hours asleep, and around three more hours eating. That leaves five hours left in a day to accomplish anything personal beyond these basics. When you consider how much time the average person spends in front of a television set or computer screen, having and following a plan to achieve your goals is almost a necessity. 

The busyness of our lives is guaranteed but all the activity generated by our busyness does not necessarily result in the achievement of our goals. Without discipline and focus, time slips away and with it, so does opportunity.

We can’t control the busyness embedded in our lifestyle so learning how to maximize the few hours we have available to achieve our personal goals is imperative if we wish to be successful.

Ultimately, time is the only commodity that has true value. Time is finite and none of us have any guarantee as to how much time we have. Maximizing what we do with the time we have available is the best way to achieve your goals.

The only way to maximize your time is to live in the present moment. Unless you are living in the present moment, your future is random. Tomorrow is determined by what you do today. Action or inaction will set your future. Action gives you control, inaction relinquishes your control. Action can make you the hero of your future, inaction can make you the victim of your past.

“No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now.” - Alan Watts (1915 - 1973)

SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP

We’re going on to the third year of the COVID pandemic, Quebec has started a new wave of infections, Ontario’s waste water analysis is also indicating an imminent surge, and there are still people who do not seem to understand the seriousness of the situation. 

There is a lot emotion that goes into a person’s world view. The main weapon we have at our disposal in controlling those emotions is knowledge and understanding. We have the power of reasoning available to us and the intellect, for the most part, to understand the concepts of cause and effect, as well as the ability to reason out that freedom and rights come with significant responsibility.

My personal belief is that government mandates are never going to be effective unless there is a zero tolerance approach to enforcement. We can argue all we want about whether or not a mandated measure is effective but the argument has absolutely no merit unless the mandated measures are implemented completely and then the resulting data proves them effective or ineffective. If we are not following the mandates, there is no way to prove, one way or another, the validity of the strategy. Unfortunately for the minority who absolutely refuse to comply with any mandate unless they are not personally inconvenienced by it, they can keep fueling this pandemic indefinitely and continue to argue that the mandates are not effective despite the fact that it is their personal actions that are guaranteeing the failure of any mandate.

We will never be at the point where we can rely upon everyone to pull together in a unified, logical strategy. To be clear, when I say logical, I am talking about strategies based upon science and common sense, not strategies based upon emotions. Politics, personal agendas, and illogical paradigms will continue to divide us and continue to be used to promote personal benefit over what is best for our community and society as a whole.

No leadership or strategy is going to benefit everyone equally. Compromise is the only way we can progress together. Unfortunately for the privileged few, compromise tends not to be in their vocabulary.

We are letting politicians decide medical strategies. We are ignoring healthcare professionals and doing our own “research” on the internet. This is why we have entered the third year of a global pandemic with no end in sight.

“Make sure your worst enemy is not living between your own two ears...”  ― Nitya Prakash (b. 1988)

Evolutionary Growth

We tend to, and have been conditioned to, expect instant and obvious results when we apply ourselves to accomplishing a specific goal. A person only needs to checkout the average gym in January every year and then compare the energy and crowds to what you see a couple of months later. All the potential and intent the new year brought has been mostly burned up by March.

What is missing for most people is the understanding of the importance of incremental progression. Lao Tzu has said that “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” On an intellectual level, we all understand that. On a practical level, very few accept this.

Approaching our progression and growth as an evolutionary process changes everything. Setbacks become gifts, hoops become ladders, and destinations become journeys. Our perspective and understanding can open doors of opportunity or it can slam them shut. It is either the biggest limitation to our success or the strongest catalyst in our personal growth.

"One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again." - Abraham Maslow (1908 - 1970)

Intelligent Curriculum

Our annual break-a-thon is an important part of our intelligent curriculum. By seeing the world through another’s eyes, we are developing empathy and compassion which support our ideal of knowledge with humility.

The break-a-thon culminates with each student breaking ten boards to help raise money for charity. But the value of the project is found in what our students learn from the process leading up to the board breaks. Becoming aware of what charities we support and then taking steps to understand why we support them is really what this project is about.

We will be supporting three charities this year. Second Chance Animal Rescue Society has been one of our supported charities for many years now. What better way to develop empathy and compassion than taking the time to help out an animal in need?

The Northern Lights Wolf Centre is another charity we have supported for a few years. Learning how a keystone species like wolves can make or break an ecosystem goes a long way in helping us understand how much power each of us have when it comes to changing the world.

Rahul Bharti has been helping the homeless of Kathmandu for a very long time. In times of COVID the homeless are even more effected than the rest of us in that employment opportunities have completely disappeared and many are facing starvation. Rahul is on the front lines providing food, masks, and hand sanitizer for Katmandu’s homeless. The money we raise is going directly to people who are desperately in need.

“We, the People, recognize that we have responsibilities as well as rights; that our destinies are bound together; that a freedom which only asks what's in it for me, a freedom without a commitment to others, a freedom without love or charity or duty or patriotism, is unworthy of our founding ideals, and those who died in their defense.” - Barack Obama (b. 1961)

Truth and Reconciliation

September 30th marks the first National Day forTruth and Reconciliation in Canada. I believe this is an important initiative to help bring awareness and understanding of what our indigenous citizens have unjustly endured by the hands of our nation.

Racism and bigotry prevails in our society and in recent years it has even become more socially acceptable to publicly support and spread bigoted ideas and actions. September 30th is an opportunity to reverse this trend. It is an important day for reflection and, hopefully, reconciliation.

I am someone who believes that one of our greatest strengths as a nation is our diversity. Our diversity brings creativity and opportunity to every problem and situation. Pre-conceived ideas and beliefs only limit what we are capable of achieving.

Silent River Kung Fu is observing Truth and Reconciliation Day on September 30th and will not be conducting any formal classes on this day. Our students are all encouraged to reflect upon the legacy of residential schools and the systemic racism that still infects our society. In light of the current healthcare crisis in this province, we will not be officially participating in any public events and we are encouraging our students to remain isolated and safe.

“We have been investing in our collective ignorance, and we have to stop." — Marie Wilson

Guns Kill People

The US had yet another banner week of mass killings. Yeah, yeah, I know the old argument - “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.” I am assuming that hogwash only flies with those who refuse to think for themselves and those whose personal or financial interests are tied to making these weapons easily available to all.

Yes, people kill people. It happens everyday - both directly and indirectly. We’re killing on a mass scale with our foreign policies that dehumanize everyone who does not look like us, worship like us, or covet the dollar like us. To keep our economy chugging along, we justify raping foreign lands, making them unliveable, and then we label the people we have displaced as security threats, denying them sanctuary when they flee their homeland that we helped destroy. Yes, people kill people but they do it much more quickly and efficiently when they have easy access to a gun.

People are going to kill. It happens. We cannot stop a person from killing if they are committed to a course of action. It is impossible to control people’s actions. What is not impossible to control is easy access to guns. Take away easy access and, while you will not stop people from killing, you will reduce the speed and efficiency of their kills.

Thoughts and prayers are fine but smarter gun legislation is better.

“If guns don't kill people, why do mass killers arm themselves with guns?” - DaShanne Stokes (b. 1978)

Remembering What Is Important

Relevance. This is a word I think we should think about a lot more than we do. By thinking about it I am talking about beyond its definition and more into its application.

When I really think about relevance, I can’t help but think of consequence. It is too easy to dismiss something as irrelevant without considering the consequence of your dismissal. How many politicians have been elected with a minority of the population actually voting for them? Thinking your vote is irrelevant has a consequence.

Everyday we make choices. Choices can be difficult but they are absolutely free to everyone, no matter the circumstance. What is never free is consequence. We all know that the choices we make come with consequence. What we tend to forget is that forgoing making a choice also has a consequence.

Choosing to engage or not engage is a decision that should be made every moment of every day. A lot of time and opportunity is wasted when moments of decision get replaced with indecision or, worse yet, don’t get recognized as an opportunity at all.

“There are risks and costs to action. But they are far less than the long range risks of comfortable inaction. “ John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)

Only One Book

One of my students asked me to recommend a book for her to read. She did not put any caveats on the request. Fiction, non-fiction, philosophical, inspirational, spiritual, whatever - the choice was wide open for me to make. It seemed like a pretty simple request at the time and I told her I would come up with a recommendation in a day or two. I wanted to put some thought into my choice. Fast forward two days. I found myself completely locked in this task, unable to settle on a recommendation. What started out as a simple request turned into a mammoth responsibility for me. Only one book? But there are so many great books out there. What the heck was she asking of me? Was she looking for something to entertain her or was she looking for something that was going to feed her soul? I need more information. Who can make such a choice without more information? After struggling with this decision for almost a week, I was finally able to ground myself and remember the spirit of her request. She had no agenda, she had no specific need. She only wanted MY request.

So I retooled my perspective and centered myself. If I could only recommend a single book for a person to read, and that book was going to be representative as the one book of all the books I have read, the book would have to be a book that meant something to me beyond just entertaining me. The book would have to have reached me at a visceral level and it would have changed me or my perspective forever.

My new perspective narrowed my focus considerably. Everything that Thich Nhat Hanh has ever written instantly fell into that category. Scratch that. Everyone knows what I think of the man, of course she has already considered his work. I've recommended his work thousands of times in the past, why would I diminish this opportunity by just going to my go to guy yet again? I needed to go further. At this point I was really getting into this task. I was learning a lot about myself, my values, and my influences.

I finally arrived at a single book. A book that opened my eyes to the plight of the world and forced me to actively participate in society's reformation or completely accept the injustice that is now so obvious. It is s book I wrote a blog about in 2008. If you think capitalism is related to democracy, this book will change your perspective forever. The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein is a must read for anyone who wants to understand the world. The senseless begins to make sense when you understand the motive behind some of the biggest social/moral decisions ever made. Money.

The world needs more activists. Reading a book like The Shock Doctrine will force your hand. Become part of the solution or participate in perpetuating the problem.

“Extreme violence has a way of preventing us from seeing the interests it serves.” - Naomi Klein (b. 1970)

Reflection Part 2

A week and a multitude of thoughts later, clarity on the efficacy of SRKF’s Pandamonium is still up in the air. I have no doubts about the need for a project like the Pandamonium, especially when it comes to the martial arts, but I still have work to do when it comes to getting my students and community as passionate about it as I am.

Wildfires and the slumping economy definitely have an effect on people’s priorities but, in most cases, those things are more excuses for poor engagement than reasons. So much mediocrity in the world is a result of apathy and indifference.

I believe in the power of engagement and I believe in the potential of a single act. Laziness makes apathy more attractive than action. By its very nature, inaction guarantees that nothing will change and therefore reinforces the helplessness so many feel when it comes to facing important issues. Yet three daily acts of engagement by a single person can create lasting, meaningful change.

The Pandamonium is not fulfilling its potential. The project is not a 24 hour event but rather a daily commitment to kindness, empathy, and compassion. Our annual event should be a celebration of accomplishment and a reaffirmation of our commitment to our community.

“Apathy is a sort of living oblivion.” - Horace Greeley (1811 - 1872)

Pandamonium Aftermath

I want to thank everyone who participated and supported the Pandamonium this year. It can be difficult to get people to recognize the value in community engagement so I appreciate the extraordinary effort many of you put into this project.

The reality of the outcome of our efforts is disappointing as we did not make it to even half of our $20,000 goal. It is my failing as the head of this organization in not being able to adequately convey the value of empathy training. I am disappointed but not discouraged. I know none of you wish to create a world where we all look out for number one. I know we all realize that Kung fu is more than just kicking and punching. We recognize that the value of the art lies in the quality of the journey, not the destination.

I was greatly encouraged by those of you who aspired for the Pandamonium to be something other than the ordinary this weekend. Mr. Helm, your dunk tank idea proved to be the biggest draw of the day. Your initiative accounted for $2000. Thank you for bringing a fresh approach to our event, it really paid off. Mr. Bjorkquist, thank you for your bottle drive efforts. I believe that after the dunk tank, it was the biggest contributor to the Foundation and its ability to continue to financially support our charities. Mr. Sand, thank you for going above and beyond to allow us to send extra money to Rahul in Nepal. He is at ground zero trying to help people rebuild their lives after the devastating quakes that have devastated the country. Thank you to everyone, there are too many to name individually, who carry so many of us along through your efforts and inspiration. Spending the day with you was a spectacular experience.

As always, the efficacy of the Pandamonium Project is not measured by the funds we were able to raise but rather the awareness we have been able achieve. Parents don’t want their kids to learn how to fight, they want them to learn how to defend themselves. There is a big difference between those two ideals and that difference is defined by those less tangible skills and attributes that kung fu helps us develop. Empathy, compassion, discipline, respect, humility, leadership. These are only buzzwords if we do not have the curriculum and the gumption to back them up. The Pandamonium is a big part of that curriculum and I thank those of you who got it and put your ideals into action this weekend. 

“Yes, in many ways, sticking to the practice IS (I think) what one learns from the practice of the martial arts ---not so much something you can hold, but something you revisit, constantly, as a practice ----and that's where the benefits are derived ---primarily anyway.  Likewise, practicing one's mission-based language IS the school's marketing, in part, not the statement finally declared. (me thinks)” - Tom Callos (b. 1959)

The Road We Travel

How different my life would be today if I had never studied kung fu. The benefits have been infinite and I shudder to think about how different I would be without the art in my life.

I had the opportunity today to connect with Keshia Thomas. I remember the first time I saw the photo that made her famous and being completely humbled by her actions. I could not help but imagine what a better world we would have if we all had the courage of Keshia. She has been an inspiration to me for as long as I can remember and because of kung fu, she is now in my life’s sphere.

Keshia Thomas, Rahul Bharti, Dave McNeill, Margie Hilbig, Stan Lee, Mark Chan, Brian Macdonald, Julia Butterfly Hill, Tom Callos, Joe Lewis, Ron Van Clief, the list goes on. How blessed I am to have had the opportunity to meet such amazing people.

“A man does what he must - in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures - and that is the basis of all human morality.” - Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

Taking Ownership

We’re refining our Chinese New Year lion dance and our banquet demo bit by bit, week by week. With less than four weeks until the new year, we’ve entered crunch time. Part of the appeal of this time of year for me is that there never is enough time. I’m always left with the feeling that if we had an extra fourteen days we could really pull off something extraordinary. Yet I know that if I had another fourteen days the demo and dance would get that much more ambitious and two weeks would no longer be enough. It is my nature to push limits.

Pushing my limits requires a mindset that narrows my focus and increases my efficiency if I am going to succeed. Give me too much time and I will pursue multiple options. I may work just as hard and make progress on multiple fronts, but I will never complete the project. The thing about mastery is that it is a relentless state of pursuit. My ultimate goals continue to evolve as I myself evolve. There is no end to my mastery journey. When one trail becomes familiar and defined, another more interesting path appears. Setting a deadline keeps me on the path I have set to achieve my immediate goal. Without a deadline my immediate goal would just become one of many interests that hold my attention at any given time. It is in my nature to pursue shiny objects.

Being of the nature to push limits and pursue shiny objects, achieving success is always a challenge. Success is all about bringing a project to fruition. I recognize that any chance of success is affected by my ability to take consistent action. Lucky for me it is in my nature to take ownership.

Taking ownership means I have intent behind my actions. No effort is without mindful presence. I am constantly measuring my progress and adjusting my strategy to improve the return on my efforts.

Taking ownership means I recognize the value I bring to a project. When I am part of a team, I recognize that the value I bring to the team is only present if I am present. I recognize every absence, every substandard effort, and every wasted moment will set the project back.

Taking ownership means I leave nothing to chance and take complete responsibility for all outcomes.

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does. It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.” - Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980)

Stress of Hope

Sometimes when a bad situation gets so out of hand that you just have to walk away, the stress release that comes from giving up can be surprising. The more hope you have in solving the situation, the more you personally invest in the resolution. The more you personally invest, the more you have at stake if you fail. The more at stake, the greater the stress. It is at times like this that it is important to recognize the difference between the stress from effort and the stress generated by helplessness.

There is little wonder why so many don’t even bother trying in the first place. Everyone recognizes the macro stress that comes from trying to solve a bad situation. Few recognize the micro stress that comes from accepting a bad situation. It is easy to forget that stress is cumulative.

Mastery is a difficult pursuit but the stress of the journey is only a fraction of the stress that comes from accepting mediocrity.

“To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.” - Leonard Bernstein (1918 - 1990)

I Ho Chuan

Mastery is not for the thin skinned, nor is it for those who have disenfranchised themselves from their circumstances. It is much easier to find ways to remain blissfully unaware of how much mediocrity has permeated into our lives than it is to confront our laziness and fear. Mastery is about honesty, accountability, and compassionate acceptance.

It is impossible to improve on anything if I am not first, and foremost, fully aware of where I am. Most of us spend an inordinate amount of effort toward hiding our flaws and avoiding the truth about ourselves. Looking myself in the mirror and seeing myself for how I truly am, is an absolute necessity if I want to get on the path to mastery. I must see the problem before I can find a solution. Honesty is key.

Accepting responsibility for my own situation empowers me to control my circumstance. It is much easier to blame others than it is to accept my own flaws so a major key to mastery is accountability. I alone am responsible for the mediocrity in my life so I alone have the power to eradicate it.

Mastery is a process, it is not a finite program or destination. The process usually consists of taking three steps forwards and two steps backwards. My flaws and weaknesses are always taxing my resolve and impeding my progress. I have to remember that it is those flaws and weaknesses that I am trying to address through the process of mastery. By compassionately accepting my imperfections, I give my commitment to the process a sense of purpose.

If mastery is a process then that process is engagement. Plans and intentions are empty goals unless there is some sort of follow through and consistent action. Everyone understands the role motivation plays in achieving goals. With the proper motivation, almost anything is possible. The thing about motivation is that it can be drained by so many of life’s stressors, many of which are beyond my personal control. The one thing I have complete control over is my engagement in the process. Motivated or not, I do have the choice whether or not to crunch out some more pushups or to attend a class. The more motivated I am, the more engaged I am - and the more engaged I am, the more motivated I become. Mastery is all about engagement.

“The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.” - Martina Navratilova (b. 1956)

Mediocrity

I have always had very strong opinions about mediocrity. I can understand laziness, and even apathy to a large degree, but I cannot accept mediocrity. Mediocrity implies effort with indifference. I can’t think of a more disrespectful attitude or a bigger waste of time. If something was worth doing, then it was worth doing right. Period.

“The height of mediocrity is still low.” - Vanna Bonta (1958 - 2014)

Dabbling, Stressing, and Mastering

I just heard Tony Robbins’ thoughts regarding the path to success this week and he really struck a chord. He outlined the three personality traits of entrepreneurs but there is a definite correlation to students of the martial arts.

The first is the Dabbler. The Dabbler is one who enjoys variety. He is excited to learn new things and he revels in the ability to learn quickly. When learning something new, the Dabbler’s understanding of the basics happens very quickly and results in immediate improvement. The problem is that the Dabbler looses interest when the improvement is not so dramatic. We all know of people who have studied many martial arts but have mastered none of them. They definitely fit in the Dabbler category.

The second personality is the Stressor. The Stressor differs from the Dabbler in that he pushes through the plateaus of the learning process and finds ways to overcome obstacles. Failure is not an option. The problem is the Stressor will burn out, and rarely achieve success. In the martial arts, these are the students that lack wuji. Their training is always at the extremes and at those extremes, they end up serving their kung fu rather than having their kung fu serve them.

The third personality in Robbins’ view is the Master. The Master neither quits nor fights. The Master is content with the learning process in both successes and failures. And almost verbatim from Tony Robbins - By recognizing the small successes and learning from the failures, the Master gauges success on the previous day’s achievements - asking the question, “Am I better today, than I was yesterday?"

“One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.” - Tony Robbins (b. 1960)

There Is No Try

I have learned a lot about mastery over the years and in the process I have learned a lot about myself. Or perhaps it is the other way around — learning about myself taught me a lot about mastery. Chicken or egg, it does not matter, mastery and self-realization are intimately intertwined.

As a martial artist I have dedicated myself to mastery. For me it was all about the discipline, the effort. No effort, no matter how small, is ever wasted. I worked hard, stayed in great shape, and pushed myself to my limits. Time plus effort would equal mastery.

Ironically it was not until I was given the title of ‘master’ in the marital arts that I realized how little i had mastered or even understood of mastery. I realized that I had been accepting mediocrity by equating effort to accomplishment. Intent is an important starting point but that is all it is — a starting point. In order for intent to become desired result, a lot has to happen in between. I wasted many years, not because of what I was doing in between, but what I was not doing.

How many nights did I justify taking off because of other commitments or priorities? They were countless but I hardly noticed because I was giving myself too much credit for trying. When it comes to working towards mastery, either you are or you are not. There is no ‘try’. While effort and intent are commendable, intent has done as much harm as good for me over the years. The good it brings is obvious. Everything worth working towards begins with intent. The harm it brings is less noticeable and thus quite sinister. How much time have I lost by confusing effort with intent? Planning on doing something is not the same as actually doing it.

I now understand that mastery is only achieved through relentless focus. This means not just working toward mastery but, more importantly, eradicating mediocrity. It is easy to dismiss the two approaches as being merely a matter of quibbling over the semantics of saying the same thing, but I have learned to never underestimate the power of words. The words I use influence my perspective and my perspective is usually the only thing that stands between me and success.

“Good intentions never change anything. They only become a deeper and deeper rut.” - Joyce Meyer (b. 1943)

Truth

There are days where the journalling is more difficult than others. Today is one of those days. I try to keep my journal focused on gratitude and mindfulness but today it is proving difficult for me to put aside the righteous rage that can overpower me when mindfulness exposes things that should shame us all. Poverty and war fill the news while I live my life in coddled isolation, almost oblivious to that harsh reality, shielded by my birthright.

One of my favourite quotes from Bruce Lee helps ground me on my rage days.

“Truth has no path. Truth is living and, therefore, changing. Awareness is without choice, without demand, without anxiety; in that state of mind, there is perception. To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person. Awareness has no frontier; it is giving of your whole being, without exclusion.” - Bruce Lee (1940 - 1973)

Connecting the Dots

As a teacher, it can be frustrating when a student continues to let opportunities pass them by because they are too busy dealing with their own frustrations brought about by missed opportunity.

I tend to have more questions than I have answers and I usually get more things wrong than I get right but there are a few things that I know to be absolutes when it comes to mastery.

• There are more opportunities in every moment in every day than you can count.
• No one has control over you that you have not given them. 
• Everyone has something to offer.
• Small things add up to big things.
• Gratitude is key.

My advice:

• Take responsibility for your situation and change it to your liking. And for everyone's sake, stop pointing fingers and stop whining. 
• Be mindful and take instruction whether it is offered or not. Everyone is a potential mentor. It is easier to build upon someone else's mistakes than having to make your own. 
• Stick to your commitments. You can only break so many promises before you lose all credibility. You must be able to trust yourself or future commitment is pointless.
• Learn to show gratitude for what you have. While things may not be pristine and perfect, they are still pretty freaking awesome. Open your eyes and be thankful.

Lastly, follow the Black Belt Success Cycle:

• Set a goal 
• Have a plan (and success coach)
• TAKE CONSISTENT ACTION
• Review your progress
• Review your goals

"The truth knocks on the door and you say, go away, I'm looking for the truth, and it goes away. Puzzling." - Robert M. Pirsig (b. 1928)

Perpetual Victims

Some people are difficult to help. These people tend to be perpetual victims of circumstance. Things are never quite right for them as they struggle, too focused on things that are not perfect to notice all the opportunities they have in front of them. It is easy to get trapped in a cycle of self-imposed helplessness where it is easier to find excuses than solutions.

There is a proverb that says - "He who cannot dance claims the floor is uneven." The difference between success and failure often comes down to honesty. If I look at myself in the mirror and see myself for exactly who I am, and take responsibility for that person, I will work diligently to fix those things I know about myself that I do not like. If I am not honest, I will only see what I want to see and blame outside influences when reality does not mesh with my ideal construct. In essence, I victimize myself.

"Ninety-nine percent of failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses." - George Washington Carver (1864 - 1943)