Gratitude

I walked into the kitchen and stood dumbfounded. I felt like I had walked into a different, foreign world. Everywhere I looked was absolute chaos. As I acclimated myself to the situation, the absolute chaos morphed into organized chaos. The longer I watched, organized chaos became a beautiful symphony. Everyone had a job, no action wasted.

I have been organizing our Chinese New Year banquet for almost fifteen years but it was only last night that I came to the full realization that the banquet has long since outgrown me. There is so much of the event of which I am completely ignorant of and sheltered from. What a wonderful awareness.

The first day of the Year of the Rat was one of the best days I have ever had. So many people to thank — so, so many.

 “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.” - Thich Nhat Hanh (b. 1926)

Who’s In Charge?

In the thirty plus years that I have been teaching the martial arts, I have learned a thing or two about what makes one student successful and another not. The odds of earning a black belt are extremely slim. On one hand this is quite surprising because the only difference between a person who earns a black belt and a person who does is that the successful person did not quit. On the other hand, when you consider the average person’s ability to follow through on anything over the long term, it is not surprising at all that so few people are willing to spend the years of training that are necessary to achieve the rank.

I had a frustrating conversation with a parent today who was looking to get her children into a martial art this coming fall. She was taking her kids around to various schools so that they could try them all out and figure out which school would fit her children the best. She wanted her kids to try a class at my school, or view one before trying.

I am a big fan of shopping around to determine which school will suit a family’s needs. Every school has different values that they focus on so it is important that a person knows what they are getting their children into - however a six year old is not qualified to make that determination.

This person got very defensive when she felt I was suggesting that her children were in charge of the decision. At this point I knew the conversation was not going to go well and that this family was not a good fit for my school. Was she planning on having her children try out all these different classes and then ignore their wishes when it came to choosing the best fit? What did she expect her six year old’s attitude to be if she did not go with the child’s wishes after having the kid evaluate all those schools? What if a school was giving free pony rides and cotton candy? Do you think a six year old would not choose that school over another that was teaching discipline and respect? Of course her children are in charge of the decision and of course they are being setup for failure.

Children are not equipped to make decisions based upon long-term benefit. Sweets prevail over vegetables and fun over hard work. Once a child is in charge of these decisions, they will always go for new and shiny and quickly dispose of the norm. Instead of teaching our children mastery, we are encouraging them to dabble.

“Loving a child doesn’t mean giving in to all his whims; to love him is to bring out the best in him, to teach him to love what is difficult.” - Nadia Boulanger (1887 - 1979)

Gone But Never Forgotten

It has been a rough couple of months that have forced me to confront my own mortality and stay mindful with gratitude for the time I have been blessed with. None of us get out of here alive so it is important to live a life of consequence.

Sifu Matthew Gingras was only around 5 years old when he became my kung fu student. I always admired how Matthew carried a perpetual smile in his eyes. Matthew was only 34 years old when he passed away on November 23rd. He was so young but he accomplished so much. Sifu Matthew Gingras was the first person to ever earn a Junior Black Belt from me. My respect for him is infinite. 

Sifu Randy Shipalesky passed away early this morning. Randy was my training mate longer than anyone else. I have a photo of my first Christmas party at Temple Kung Fu in the early 80s and both Randy and I are in that photo. We did not know each other back then even though we were training at the same school. Our relationship came full circle when I began Silent River Kung Fu and Randy became my student. Randy earned his 3rd Degree Black Belt and was our early morning kung fu instructor before he and his family relocated to Florida. Randy was one of the fiercest fighters I have ever faced in the ring and was an amazing father, husband, and human being.

Cancer took these guys way too soon but they will never be forgotten.

“Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.” - Haruki Murakami (b. 1949)

Value

Kung fu is like any other endeavour involving effort and discipline - what you get out of it depends upon what you put into it.

It is easy to look at discipline and associate it with sacrifice. Diet involves avoiding foods one loves. Getting in shape requires going through the pain of exercise. A better, and more accurate, way of looking at discipline would be to associate it with an investment. Sticking to a diet improves my health and may add years to my useful life. Following through on a fitness program will improve the quality of my life. With the proper perspective no sacrifice is required, just meaningful investment.

The new year has just begun. With it, resolutions and goals. I don’t know why we need a new year number before we work on improving ourselves and our situations. Every day is a new opportunity to begin anew. No matter when you choose to apply yourself it is important to do so with the proper perspective and state of mind. Know the difference between a dream and a goal and structure your investment around a plan that is going to give you the best chance of success.

“How few there are who have courage enough to own their faults, or resolution enough to mend them.” - Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)