Ripples

Last night at my third Chinese New Year Banquet of the season, I was reminded of something Seth Godin wrote about this week. He was referring to cultural change comes about when we get everyone thinking within the same timeframe. Often, when we do not agree upon things, it is due to the timeframe in which we are viewing an idea. The example he used is that a sophisticated audience sees that there is more to life than the ten or so seconds just in front of them. Mobs, however, only care about how they feel at this very moment. If we get everyone thinking about things within the same timeframe, we may find we are not so different in our values, needs, and wants.

When I began studying kung fu many years ago, I did not have a clue as to the effect the art would have on my life. I was not sophisticated in my approach or understanding. Like mob mentality, I only saw what immediate gratification I could get from expending all the blood and sweat of my training. I spent a lot of time during last night’s festivities humbled by the people I was sharing the night with - people I call my friends, my kung fu brothers. People that I only know because I made a decision to take my first kung fu class almost forty years ago.

My life has been defined by kung fu. Hindsight makes my decision to train such an easy, obvious choice. Yet at the time the choice was made, I did not have a clue about the consequences. It is hard not to be humble when you have to acknowledge that the most important decision you will ever make in your life was not made through any insightful knowledge or guidance. I am truly the luckiest guy on the planet.

“A couple of people I knew went to university apart from me, but all the way through I was the smartest kid in the school. That's luck, but I was proud of it. And I was also proud of doing well without trying. As you get older, and it took me a long time to realise it, that's a disgusting attitude, revolting.” - Ricky Gervais (b. 1961)

Ego Based

Each year when I reevaluate our syllabus and strive to improve student outcomes I am invariably reminded of the perennial obstacles this project faces.

There are always the students who say “this is the third curriculum I have seen since I started.” This inaccurate statement is the root of the problem. The curriculum I teach has not changed in the 30+ years Silent River Kung Fu has been around. The curriculum is the curriculum that my instructors passed on to me — down from their instructors. My annual refinement does not change the curriculum, but it does change the tools I use to teach the curriculum. This misunderstanding is why some students have difficulty progressing. If you’re approach to training is to check things off the list, that list being the syllabus, you are going to miss the real value of the training — the curriculum. In essence, your ego is in your way. You do not know what you think you do know because you do not understand what you think you understand.

At the other end of the learning spectrum is the instructor. As I explain to my black belts, instructing is not the same as teaching. Some of my black belts, especially the greener ones, are very ego-based when it comes to teaching. I am not saying they are arrogant, quite the contrary. What I mean is that they are so eager to teach and help the students that they forget to empathize with the student. They are too busy teaching to recognize that the student is not learning. I have to remind them of who they are here to serve. They are not here to serve their desire to help, not are they here to serve the syllabus. They are here to serve the students.

When ego is not held in check, perspective tends to distort. We start to confuse effort and activity with progress; the equivalent of confusing engine rpm with road speed. Students are too busy practicing to learn and black belts are too busy instructing to teach.

“Receive without pride, let go without attachment.” - Marcus Aurelius (121 - 180)

Epilogue

Kung fu is a transformative discipline that empowers and inspires. Silent River Kung Fu is unique in the martial arts community for providing evidenced-based outcomes. The benefits are obvious to anyone who has had the opportunity to experience the art directly themselves or indirectly through a family member, yet only a fraction of practitioners ever go on to earn their black belt. The probability of success is increased if certain basic facts are respected:

• Behind every successful person are countless mentors and positive influences. Share and use your time wisely.
• Children do not have the life experience required to make positive decisions. Given the opportunity, most children would quit school at an early age if allowed to make such a decision. No matter the activity, once quitting becomes an option for a child, it almost invariably becomes the decision. If you do not want your children to learn to be quitters, approach their kung fu like you approach their scholastic education — take the decision out of their hands and stay actively involved in helping them deal with motivational traps, obstacles, and setbacks. 
• It is harder to develop positive habits than it is to maintain them. Work hard to create positive habits that serve your goals and those habits will become effortless effort. Take consistent action!
• Respect the law of incremental progression. Many small things add up to big things.
• The only constant in life is change. Remain mindful of this and proceed boldly.
• Every moment is an opportunity to begin anew. Every success is built upon countless failures. If you want to succeed — double your failure rate.
• Remember: a black belt is just a white belt who never quit. 

"If you quit ONCE it becomes a habit.Never quit!!!" - Michael Jordan (b. 1963)

Priceless Gift

Mastery is not something to take lightly. Mastery takes complete commitment. Anything less than one hundred percent focus and effort is not mastery. For that reason alone, mastery is an ideal to be sought but never found. The value of mastery is found through the effort one puts into the quest and how that quest influences and inspires every aspect of one’s life. I don’t think anyone can dispute the value of mastery. I know of no one who does not at least dream of attaining mastery in their life.

As someone who has devoted the majority of his life to the pursuit of mastery, I have learned a thing or two on the subject. I could make an infinite list about the dos and don’ts of achieving mastery but the ultimate tool or barrier to mastery is not something we have any control of - our upbringing.

I was lucky. My parents offered me piano lessons when I was barely five years old. The only catch was that if I took them up on the offer, I had no option for quitting until I was at least sixteen years old. I took them up on their offer and regretted the decision forty minutes later. True to their threat, my parents did not allow me the option of quitting studying the piano for at least eleven years. I hated every moment playing that instrument for those eleven years. Yet this was the greatest gift they could have given me. The tools I developed and honed through my forced commitment proved invaluable and applicable to the rest of my life. Any success that  I have achieved in my life can be traced back to the commitment I naively made, and my parents held me to, when I was five years old.

As an educator, I have seen many kids with huge mountains to climb on their way to mastery. Mountains created through countless bad decisions that reinforced neither accountability or discipline. Children learn through experience and if a five year old is able to dictate what they will or will not experience, they will always pick what is easy, not what is valuable.

Mastery is difficult enough for an adult but it is nearly impossible for a child if they do not have adults in their lives who are committed to teaching them the priceless value of discipline and accountability.

“We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment.” - Jim Rohn (1930 - 2009)