Unhealthy Competition

Typically, competition can be a great motivator to help push a person to a higher level. Nothing like feeling the breath of an adversary on the back of your neck to motivate you to dig deeper and drive forward. However one of the biggest challenges I face as an instructor is keeping the competitive nature of my students healthy and positive. So many lose motivation and become discouraged when they compare themselves and believe they are not progressing as rapidly as their peers. Some question their self worth while others become bitter and direct their animosity toward their peers and their instructors. In this state a student is trapped in a cycle of progress paralysis - a self perpetuating attitude that promotes inertia by justifying mediocre results without accepting responsibility.

I use several techniques to maintain a positive attitude and avoid progress paralysis.

Celebrate Personal Victories
I end every day by meditating and reviewing the events of my day. Every day is filled with accomplishments, progress, and opportunities. These gifts can become lost if one does not take the time to reflect upon them - especially when a day has also been filled with stress and challenges. Taking the time to be thankful for your victories keeps things in perspective because sometimes we spend too much time looking at where we want to be rather than looking at how far we have come.

Congratulate Others
I make a habit of congratulating others on their progress and accomplishments. Unhealthy competition is promoted when others’ accomplishments are viewed as a negative reflection of your own accomplishments. Positively acknowledging the accomplishments of your peers reminds you that personal growth is accomplished through personal effort, not by the success or failure of someone else. This technique helps you stay accountable by keeping your own progress personal, independent, and within the realm of your control

Keep a Journal
Documenting your goals and accomplishments creates an accurate perspective that helps maintain focus on what is important for growth. Logging your daily progress establishes healthy competition within oneself and motivates one to push beyond the arbitrary limits we set for ourselves.

Double Your Failure Rate
People who unhealthily compete tend to not venture beyond their comfort zone or their current skill set. Fear of losing or embarrassment motivates people to stick to what they are good at and therefore limit growth and improvement. If one embraces change and accepts failure as a natural temporary result of effort, new tools and skills are acquired and focus returns to the challenge competing with oneself.

Kung fu’s ultimate goal is self improvement. If one keeps that goal in front of them it becomes apparent that competing with another contradicts your ultimate objective. The only person you must surpass is the person you were when you woke up this morning.

Live daringly, boldly, fearlessly. Taste the relish to be found in competition -- in having put forth the best within you.
- Henry J. Kaiser (1882 - 1967)

An Invisible Challenge

According to the Canadian Mental Health Association:

“Mental illness is increasingly recognized as a serious and growing problem. It is estimated that 1 in 5 Canadians, close to six million, will develop a mental illness at some time in their lives. Many more individuals such as family, friends, and colleagues are also affected.”

Think about that. One in five will develop a mental illness and those who do not develop a mental illness themselves will nevertheless be exposed to its ravages at some point in their life.

I often wonder about these statistics. There is such a taboo associated with mental afflictions that I can only imagine the people who are unaccounted for by this statistical model. How many people suffer in silence and shame? How many people are trapped alone in a world of homelessness, shunned by society without access to the help they need?

Mental illness can be caused by a variety of factors. It can be rooted in environmental, physiological, and genetic origins - just like diabetes, cancer, or heart disease. So why is mental illness shrouded by taboo? The problem is empathy, or lack thereof. None of us have a problem recognizing the challenges facing a person in a wheelchair. We all can imagine a world without sight just by closing our eyes. How can we empathize with an invisible ailment? How can we associate with a person who is unable to see and interpret the world the same way as ourselves? This, my friends, is the rub. Their interpretation is their reality, it is not your reality. It takes great patience and compassion to cope with an individual who is suffering from a mental illness.

Look at your world around you. Now imagine if you take all the colours and make them brighter, more vibrant, so vibrant that they are saturated. Take all the sounds around you and multiply them so that they become a cacophony of noise. Now imagine trying to have a conversation with a person with all this visual and audible discordance deluging your senses. If you can accurately imagine this, you are only seeing a fraction of the challenges that could be facing someone suffering from a mental disorder. By no means am I suggesting it is as simple as that. However that image is something that I can imagine, and that image helps me curb my frustrations when I am confronted with the challenge of communicating with someone overwhelmed by their interpretation of their situation.

This weekend was a very emotional experience for me. I promoted three truly inspiring individuals to the rank of black belt. Even though they all worked together as a team throughout the grading process, each one of them overcame many personal obstacles to accomplish this achievement. I could not be more proud. The scope of their achievement is really put into perspective when you consider that one of the three has Asperger Syndrome. I can only imagine the determination required to push one’s self to overcome this challenge and achieve this rank. This individual’s refusal to classify this affliction as a handicap, and her ability to see the positives associated with it is a tribute to human spirit and an inspiration that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

“Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one.”
- Dr. William Menninger (1899 - 1966)

Zen and the Art of Mindful Acceptance

The Year of the Rat has arrived and with it; all the stress and responsibility that is part of practicing a Chinese martial art at this time of year. Celebrations must be attended, lion dances must be performed, and for the grand finale - the culmination of our annual black belt grading that began in October takes place at our annual Chinese New Year banquet this Saturday.

At times like these, I am truly grateful for the gift of kung fu and the Chán mindset it has given me. This mindful acceptance has allowed me to compartmentalize my stress and stay in the now. I have not even been aware of a strategy that has helped me achieve this mindset so I devoted some time and effort in analyzing my methods to see if I could come up with an outline of approach that can be documented.

Stress is generated by our thoughts and our interpretation of events. Our minds are dominated by thoughts regarding the past, the present, or the future.

While it is important to think about and learn from the past, it has already happened so we shouldn’t be agonizing over it. To benefit from our past, we should analyze it, learn from it, and then move on.

The future is something we can influence but cannot control. Over analyzing our goals and predictions can generate stress because there is so much of our future that is completely beyond our control. Planning and setting goals is important but it is also important that we are flexible and adaptable enough so that we can handle all the curve balls that life throws at us.

Focusing on the present allows us to adapt to change and influence our future. The present is the only time that we can actually address and reduce the stress in our lives. The past is gone and cannot be changed. Relying on the future is only procrastinating. The future will be defined by what we do in the present.

After a little self analysis, I realized that I continuously apply three techniques to help me remain in the moment and make the most of the present:

Technique 1 - Strive for Personal Enlightenment and Self Realization.
By analyzing my motives and my emotions, I ensure I am always being honest with myself. The ability to look yourself in the mirror and see yourself completely for what you are is very liberating and provides you with better control of your emotions and insecurities. A person with complete awareness of the hows and whys of the way they feel does not have to spend a lot of time repairing relationships or situations damaged by the mistakes of their past.

Technique 2 - Apply Empathy.
I try to qualify people’s words and actions with their own personal situation. By empathizing with those around me, I find myself much more capable of positively handling any conflict that may arise. Because I am seeing things from their point of view, it is much easier for me to understand and alleviate their concerns. If you are totally focused on the people you are dealing with, it is easier to stay in the moment and keep all your own personal issues and stresses from influencing and perhaps sabotaging the relationship.

Technique 3 - Accept Accountability.
I try to hold myself accountable for everything that happens in my life - both positive and negative. By holding myself accountable I feel empowered to affect change whenever it is needed. I don’t rely upon some unseen event in the future to miraculously solve my problems, I make decisions in the here and now that go a long way to mould my future into something I value.

By holding myself accountable for my past, I eliminate the stress that comes from dwelling about regrets of the past that can dominate my thoughts when my life feels out of control. If I am accountable then I have control to make the changes necessary to avoid repeating the same problems over and over. Without accountability, I am at the mercy of fate.

Those who have been reading my posts from the past will notice that I have also identified enlightenment, empathy, and accountability as my steps to empowerment in making change. Obviously there is more to these three factors than I realized. That’s the great thing about journaling - there is so much locked away in our minds that can make a huge difference in our lives if we were only able to organize and apply what we already unconsciously know.

“The meeting of two eternities, the past and future....is precisely the present moment.”
- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

Smile or Grimace

Funny story. This summer my right knee had been popping for a few months so I figured it was time to get it checked out. There isn’t much cartilage left in that knee so it was getting somewhat disconcerting that whatever I had left may be jamming in the joint. Of course the waiting list for the compulsory MRI was over three months. My MRI was finally complete in December and my results were an incredible negative. How can my knee be popping and swelling if nothing is jammed in the joint? Okay fine. Maybe it’s just the swelling causing the popping. Nothing a few thousand gallons of ice and a few hundred thousand milligrams of ibuprofen won’t fix. Onward and outward.

Fast forward four weeks to the Black Belt class on Friday. I’m teaching the butterfly guard when my left knee, that’s right - the left one, locks from cartilage jamming in the joint. Of course I can’t believe this so I reset and try it again and - WHAMO! It locks again. How do I know it is cartilage? Four surgeries for the same problem over the past twenty years have me pretty much intimately attuned to the betrayals of my knees. After the frustrating wait for my month-old right knee MRI - talk about the irony. I have made an appointment to have the left knee checked on Tuesday and then the waiting begins again for the next inevitable compulsory MRI.

Maybe the story isn’t really that funny. Perhaps it becomes more funny when you consider the muscle mass I have lost since this summer due to another separated shoulder. Can’t do any push ups or upper body strength building exercises with that type of joint swelling. Heck I couldn’t even throw a punch for a while there. Okay that part isn’t funny either but it is downright hilarious if you consider that most of my bi-yearly shoulder separations are caused by shoulder rolls and break falls and we have just replaced our school’s fluffy, forgiving mats with in your face, revenge seeking, don’t even think of messing up that break fall, mats of mass destruction. Nice.

So let’s take inventory here. Two surgeries on my right knee - with joint reconstruction no less, two surgeries on my left knee (a possible third in my future), two fractured wrists from an over-zealous ju jitsu instructor, three fractured knuckles from a cement block, five wonky toes on my left foot from throwing a poor front kick on a heavy bag as a white belt, one fractured foot from an ill-timed break fall, a broken nose from a frozen tennis ball, a non functioning left ankle due to a missed landing on a spear form, a gazillion separated shoulders, and neck, back, and TMJ problems from a car accident. To allow my mom some restful sleep, I have left the injuries from my motorcycle crashes off the list (they were awesome though with a very high coolness factor).

One might be tempted to venture the suggestion that I slow down and perhaps start taking care of myself. I am not a masochist but like any self-respecting marital artist I see the positives in all these injuries. If I am not hurting I know I am not pushing myself. That’s what progress is all about. Pushing yourself beyond what you feel you are capable. Sure I get frustrated with all the injuries, especially when they prevent me from training the way I want. However I do have to admit that every injury, every limitation, has brought opportunity. These opportunities are only possible because I continue to push despite my limitations. Look for opportunities and they will present themselves. Become indifferent and the opportunities will pass you by without you even noticing. Celebrate your injuries as a sign of potential and progress and the negativity that usually accompanies an injury becomes a standard under which to rally your resolve.

With this attitude in mind, last night’s Canadian Ging Wu Chinese New Year Party was the first event of many in which I will be participating to bring in the Year of the Rat. I am determined to make this a year of taken opportunities and one of personal growth - both physically and spiritually. On another note, this will be the fifth New Year that will be celebrated without Grandmaster Stan Lee. He was a great leader and tremendous human being. Despite barely knowing him, I truly miss him.

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.”
- Charles R. Swindoll (b 1934)