Positive Cycles

Something I wrote for a student struggling to find the time to train . . . 

Everyday we are all faced with decisions. Sometimes success is only a positive decision away. It is a lot easier to make a positive decision when you have clarity in your goals. Why are you studying kung fu? Obviously you have spent years practicing it for a reason. If that reason is empowerment, then you already know that there are benefits to all aspects of your life when you train in kung fu. If your training is benefitting all aspects of your life, how can cutting kung fu to focus on other aspects of your life even make sense? 

You have separated your kung fu from your life to the point where it may have already just become yet another stressor. If your training is relegated to "When I have time", there really is no future in the art for you until that perspective/priority changes.

Think about your diet. Very few of us eat clean. We rush about our day sometimes only feeding ourselves with what is handy and convenient instead of mindfully consuming food that nurtures us. Yet when we consistently clean up our diet, we feel the immediate benefits - clarity of thought and reduction of stress. Those benefits give us more time to mindfully prepare our future meals. The cycle has now become self-perpetuating - in a positive way.

At the same time, it does not take much to let things slide. A day here and a day there where, in a weak moment, we let down our guard and eat something we know is not good for us but it is more convenient. Our clarity begins to erode and is not so clear, our thoughts not so efficient, and our stress begins to build. Once again this cycle now becomes self-perpetuating - in a negative way.

If you want to stay on a positive cycle, STAY ON A POSITIVE CYCLE! It really is that simple. If you want to get on a positive cycle, GET ON A POSITIVE CYCLE! That too is really that simple. There is no magic to earning a black belt. Train. If you do not want to train? Train! Positive cycles do not just randomly start. You need to make the correct decisions - one at a time, every time.

“Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.” - Lyndon B. Johnson (1908 - 1973)

Beliefs and Behaviours

It is unfortunate that our actions do not always reflect our values. It is never a simple matter to fully understand where our true values lay yet most of us are quite adamant about what we believe in and hold to be true. Yet if one were to analyze their daily actions, they would soon realize how much hypocrisy has crept into their lives.

If you are an advocate for animal rights and are against animal cruelty but purchase products that are tested on lab animals, you are actually supporting animal cruelty, not fighting against it.

Perhaps your real values are about money, not animal rights. Or maybe life has become so hectic that you are unable to make mindful decisions. At this point you either have to admit that your values are not what you thought they were or that you are a hypocrite.

With all the divisive political rhetoric out here, reconciliation is going to be difficult unless everyone first understands themselves and their actions. The problem is not the destructive behaviour out here, the problem is the the lack of mindfulness. Behaviour will never change unless there is clarity in action. Knowing why we do things is the fundamental foundation of positive change.

“Voting is not something that we do only once every four years; it’s a daily way of life. We vote with our wallets through every purchase decision that we make. For example: there is only one reason why grocery stores in Hawaii sell mangoes that are imported from Ecuador: people keep buying them. Tropical fruit grows right here on the island but we can’t blame the stores for supplying what we demand. If we change our ways and only buy local mangoes, however, then they will only sell local mangoes; it’s that simple.” - Timber Hawkeye (b. 1977)

Grief

Everyone obviously grieves differently. I don’t have a good handle on how I handle grief but I am starting to understand a bit better.

I thought I was very good at handling grief. So good in in fact that for a while I thought there might be something wrong with me. My ability to compartmentalize is borderline sociopathic. Or so I thought.

On the first anniversary of my father’s death, I am much more aware of how my grieving process is more complicated than I thought. I can tell my mental health is compromised and how I am dealing with his death, or not dealing with it, is spilling over into other areas of my life.

Yesterday I visited my dad’s gravesite for the first time since his funeral last year. What I had anticipated to be a healing process did not turn out the way I had hoped or envisioned. I find my grief to be even more profound today than it was before my pilgrimage.

Obviously I have a way to go before his passing is behind me. I miss you dad.

“There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.” - Aeschylus (525 - 456 BC)

Peace and Happiness

We’ve been on the brink of another world war for a couple of months. The political divide continues to widen as people polarize and close their minds. The pandemic rages on with the sixth wave looking like it will be continuing to intensify to peak sometime this summer. Unsettling times for sure.

I have been finding more peace and happiness despite these uncertain times because I have made a choice to disengage from the conversation. I think this mindset only became possible because I finally realized that nobody was listening. We are all just screaming into a void while suspending critical thinking.

Life is short. Everyone gets what they put into it. I don’t want to end up looking back on my life with regret. I am grateful for the freedom I have. I am grateful for the love that nurtures my life. I am grateful for the company of my friends and family. This is all I want for everyone.

“If you don’t feel free in Canada, nothing any political candidate can say or do will ever help you. A candidate peddling more freedom , or telling you to take back Canada is creating anger in you for their own purposes.Canada is not perfect, we have work to do, but we are free.” - Peter Radcliffe

Grounding

“It is in my nature to grow old. It is in my nature to get sick. It is in my nature to die. “

I repeat and reinforce this affirmation as part of my daily meditation practice. It never hurts to kickstart my day with a solid dose of reality to fuel my motivation to maximize the possibility of the present moment.

There is no work. It is all play.

“This is the real secret of life — to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.” - Allan Watts (1915 - 1973)

Victim or Hero

We all are goal-orientated to some degree. Society has evolved to the point where we spend at least eight hours per day earning a living to put food on the table, another eight hours asleep, and around three more hours eating. That leaves five hours left in a day to accomplish anything personal beyond these basics. When you consider how much time the average person spends in front of a television set or computer screen, having and following a plan to achieve your goals is almost a necessity. 

The busyness of our lives is guaranteed but all the activity generated by our busyness does not necessarily result in the achievement of our goals. Without discipline and focus, time slips away and with it, so does opportunity.

We can’t control the busyness embedded in our lifestyle so learning how to maximize the few hours we have available to achieve our personal goals is imperative if we wish to be successful.

Ultimately, time is the only commodity that has true value. Time is finite and none of us have any guarantee as to how much time we have. Maximizing what we do with the time we have available is the best way to achieve your goals.

The only way to maximize your time is to live in the present moment. Unless you are living in the present moment, your future is random. Tomorrow is determined by what you do today. Action or inaction will set your future. Action gives you control, inaction relinquishes your control. Action can make you the hero of your future, inaction can make you the victim of your past.

“No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now.” - Alan Watts (1915 - 1973)

Know Thyself

Knowing ourselves is no easy task. We spend an inordinate amount of time distracting ourselves from the reality of our situations. We work hard to suppress facing our true realities so intently that we make it impossible to reflect before we react.

Can we change who we are? Not likely. Who we are has been defined by nature and nurture. That is a lot of inertia to overcome.

The thing we can change is the way that we deal with who we are. Before we can begin to change the way that we deal with who we are, we must first know who we are.

“Know yourself to improve yourself” - Auguste Comte (1798 - 1857)

The Dickens Process

I met with one of my mentors, Tom Callos, a couple of weeks ago and he introduced me to the ‘Dickens Process’ that he was introduced to by Tony Robbins.

The Dickens Process exercise drives its name from the Charles Dickens novel "A Christmas Carol" in which Scrooge is visited by ghosts showing him his past, present, and future. By following this strategy of analyzing your limiting beliefs across each tense (past, present, and future), we can see what the actual cost of our beliefs is by looking at each belief in detail to answer the following questions:

• What has each belief cost me and the people I care about in the past?

• What has each belief cost me and the people I care about in the present?

• What will each belief cost me and the people I care about in the future?

When we ask ourselves those three questions, it is important to answer completely by hearing the answer, seeing the answer, and feeling the answer. We must illicit not only a logical response, but an emotional one as well.

By dwelling upon the consequences of our limiting beliefs, we begin laying the foundation required to create new beliefs to replace them. Sometimes it is as simple as reframing the narratives of our beliefs so they are no longer limiting our growth.

“One of my top three limiting beliefs was ‘I’m not hardwired for happiness,’ which I replaced with ‘happiness is my natural state.’” — Tim Ferris’s (b. 1977)

Investing in Karma

Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are an inevitable byproduct of effort and growth. Some mistakes are stupid but if our intent is positive and pure, they are nevertheless honest.

The word Karma literally translates as action. Many believe that our actions are reciprocated so a positive action will return positivity. A negative action will return negativity. For many the concept of Karma is spiritual, almost magical. For me, Karma is just common sense.

Every action has a consequence. My action that intentionally causes harm will in turn cause harm to myself - if only for the guilt that accompanies such actions. Likewise kind actions produce ripples of kindness that continue to spread and multiply, eventually coming back to me.

I continually invest in Karma. I know my actions have consequences and I know those consequences affect the world that I am part of. I try to be the change I want to see in the world.

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” - Wayne Dyer (1940 - 2015)

Dad

Usually at this time of year I am thinking about beginnings. The lunar new year is always an opportunity to ground myself and reflect about what is important and then begin anew with a refreshed and refocused perspective. Perhaps it is because of the recent passing of Thich Nhat Hanh but this year I find myself thinking less about beginnings and more on endings.

My father passed away in April. His death was a long time coming and, ultimately, a welcome relief. His final years were not his best. Throughout my dad’s final journey, I found it difficult to maintain clarity on who he was when he was healthy. The COPD and dementia had taken over him so completely that I had resigned myself to the fact that the clear memories of his final battle were replacing my memories of who he was before his decline.

Nine months after his passing, I have less memories of my father’s decline and horrible final years and more of who he was throughout his life. Perhaps this welcome surprise is evidence that I am beginning anew for the year after all. I miss you dad but I recognize and am grateful for your continuation.

“We are the continuation of all our ancestors. Thanks to impermanence, we have a chance to transform our inheritance in a beautiful direction.” - Thich Nhat Hanh (1926 - 2022)

Thay

My mastery path has been blessed with the leadership and example of many mentors and teachers whose generosity has guided me throughout my life. I revere my lineage and I know my life and accomplishments have been built upon the foundation others have helped me build. It is difficult to not feel the strain on that foundation when I lose one of them.

Thich Nhat Hanh’s influence on the world is well-documented and he has been a big part of my life since I was a teenager. He has prepared me for the day that he would no longer be directly accessible but nevertheless I find myself overwhelmed by the magnitude of the loss.

For the first time in my life I am walking the earth without him in his familiar form. He will always be with me and for that I am grateful. How I miss him.

“If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.” - Thich Nhat Hanh (1926 - 2022)

ACTS OF JERKINESS

Probably the most important requirement to earn a black belt in my school is the Acts of Kindness requirement. Every black belt candidate must record at least one thousand acts of kindness in the year. I stress the ‘record’ aspect of the requirement.

I don’t think anyone can argue the value and purpose of performing an act of kindness to earn a black belt. Humbleness and empathy are important attributes for a person looking to earn recognition for their fighting ability. As a martial artist, I am not interested in feeding anyone’s ego or narcissistic attitude. Knowledge with humility is what I value.

Despite the obvious value of such a requirement, I get a lot of questions and even objections about the recording aspect of the requirement. “I do dozens of kind acts everyday. Why would I write them all down?” Is the most common argument against recording each act. Sometimes the value of something may seem so obvious that people do not delve deeper into the depth of that value.

Perhaps if I changed the requirement from recording ‘Acts of Kindness’ to recording ‘Acts of Jerkiness’, I would generate deeper understanding and appreciation for the potential of the requirement. For me acts of kindness are easy, just like they are for everyone else. Most of us are naturally kind. However when I started recording my acts of kindness, I became much more mindful and aware of the kind acts I was doing but more importantly, I began noticing a lot of opportunities to be even more kind that I had been missing.

Maybe if I kept closer track of all the times in a day I am actually being somewhat of a jerk, I would become more kind. Sometimes focusing on the negative helps us eliminate the negatives to make our lives more positive.

Master and mediocrity, kindness and jerkiness. Two sides of the same coins

. Where you find one, you will find the other. The Yin and the Yang.

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” —The 14th Dalai Lama (b. 1935)

2022

I can remember Y2K like it was yesterday. I remember as a kid thinking that I was going to be old when 1999 flips over to 2000. Here we are twenty two years later. Life is shorter than we think.

2022 will mark the fourth year of COVID-19. No travel, limited socialization. During the pandemic I have only seen my parents a handful of times and my father had to die alone earlier this year. I have watched my 85 year old aunt’s mobility decrease drastically because she has not had access to her aquacise class for the duration. Lives have been put on hold but life never stops evolving and we do not stop aging.

For me the pandemic has brought a lot of positive change to my life. I have had to become more mindful with my business and my daily routine. This mindfulness has eliminated substantial mediocrity from my life - mediocrity that I was not aware existed. I see a lot of people who have put their lives on hold while the pandemic runs its course. Mindfulness has made me aware that, because of mediocrity, a lot of my life was on hold. I am grateful that the pandemic woke me up and reminded me to live.

Life is short. Live always.

“Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us. Oh be swift to love, make haste to be kind.” - Henri Frederic Amiel (1821 - 1881)

Never Enough

We are celebrating our second Christmas season during the COVID-19 pandemic. Many had assumed and predicted that the pandemic would launch a reset to our untethered drive to accumulate more and more but it is difficult to maintain a proper perspective when it comes to conspicuous consumption. We are constantly bombarded with advertising telling us that we need this product or that and we are conditioned to think that what we have is never enough.

Christmas or not, my daily gratitude practice provides me with a constant reminder that I have everything I need and everything I want. Life is good.

“In eastern traditions, such as Buddhism, the belief is to withhold judgement towards yourself. “You have what you have.” Acceptance of that truth is what allows you to set yourself free from the suffering of never being enough, or never having enough. Being content with who you are and what you have in the present moment can be your key to shutting down that empty feeling. You already hold the key to fulfillment, and that key is acceptance of yourself.” - Chase Jarvis (b. 1971)

Time to Heal

The past two weeks have been a challenge to train, teach, and engage. I have significant inflammation in one of my knees that is conspiring to keep me off the mats. 



I usually try to push through and around these issues when they flare up but this time seems to be different. Any type of activity is exasperating and prolonging the situation.



As what tends to happen in these situations, life has presented me with an opportunity. A focus group I am part of has a few meetings coming up that are going to interfere with my teaching. Hopefully by taking some time off the mats to attend these meetings, my knee will get a chance to recover enough to allow me to get back to training and teaching the way I am used to within a couple of weeks. 


Always one step forward, no matter what. 

"Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance, you must keep moving." - Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

Obstacle and Ladders

Every limitation and every challenge I have ever had to deal with in my life started out as an obstacle. Torn cartilage in my knee limited my hockey career and continues to impact my kung fu. Coming from a poor family limited my opportunities and created barriers not being experienced by other children. There is not doubt that on the playing field of life, all things are not equal.

When I started kung fu, I was known for my fast, flexible kicks. Even my instructors had to be careful when they sparred with me. My kicks were quick and my most powerful weapons. Then, somewhere between yellow belt and orange belt, reconstruction of my right knee was required to repair a massive tear and subsequent joint damage. I went from the guy who almost exclusively could rely upon his kicks to defeat any opponent to a guy who could not kick meaningfully again for almost eighteen months. Through the eyes of resentment, my kung fu had been completely wiped out. My best weapon was taken away from me and I was set adrift. Today, over thirty years and four more knee surgeries and another reconstruction later, I only see the injury through the eyes of gratitude. 

The path I was on and unwilling to venture off of, was the path of a one-dimensional martial artist. Who needs to work on his hand techniques when his leg techniques are easily taking care of business? Well the guy who just had his legs taken away from him for the next year and a half, that’s who. In those eighteen kickless months I worked hard on my forms and I worked hard on my hands. When I emerged from the other end of that first reconstruction, I was a more complete and well-rounded martial artist. Yes I lost something but I also gained something.  Something wonderful. Something that changed my life. 



Today I am reaping in the benefits of my wonky knees. I earned my black belt because of my bad knees. I met my wife because of my bad knees. Everything I have can be traced and tied to my bad knees. One could argue that I might have been able to earn my black belt without having bad knees but that is not something I even think about. I like where I am and I like who I am. I am the sum of all my experiences and decisions. Changing anything in my past would put everything I currently have in jeopardy. I have nothing but gratitude for my knees and their limitations. For without them, I would not be who I am today. 



Nothing in life is for free. Everything we are and everything we achieve is because of the decisions we make and the actions we take. I can choose to take the path of resentment or I can choose to boldly proceed forward. The bottom line is, I always have a choice. 

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” - Wayne Dyer (1940 - 2015) 

Truth and Reconciliation

September 30th marks the first National Day forTruth and Reconciliation in Canada. I believe this is an important initiative to help bring awareness and understanding of what our indigenous citizens have unjustly endured by the hands of our nation.

Racism and bigotry prevails in our society and in recent years it has even become more socially acceptable to publicly support and spread bigoted ideas and actions. September 30th is an opportunity to reverse this trend. It is an important day for reflection and, hopefully, reconciliation.

I am someone who believes that one of our greatest strengths as a nation is our diversity. Our diversity brings creativity and opportunity to every problem and situation. Pre-conceived ideas and beliefs only limit what we are capable of achieving.

Silent River Kung Fu is observing Truth and Reconciliation Day on September 30th and will not be conducting any formal classes on this day. Our students are all encouraged to reflect upon the legacy of residential schools and the systemic racism that still infects our society. In light of the current healthcare crisis in this province, we will not be officially participating in any public events and we are encouraging our students to remain isolated and safe.

“We have been investing in our collective ignorance, and we have to stop." — Marie Wilson

Simplicity

A friend queried me this week concerning my ongoing goal to reduce the number of my possessions to one hundred. He pointed out that I first publicly declared this goal back in 2013 and as he had predicted, I had failed. Nothing could be further from the truth. While after eight years I still have not achieved my goal but that does not mean the quest does not continue.

Minimalistic living is a choice and it is a process. Like mastery, it is not a destination. It is not about the actual number of possessions I own, it is about living mindfully and not consuming thoughtlessly. I continue to reduce my possessions but even more importantly, I no longer recklessly accumulate.

The books I read are either borrowed from the library or they are electronic. The music I listen to is streamed. My money goes toward experiences, not things. Yes my garage still has two motorcycles in it but it stores less and less every year.

Living simply allows me to simply live. I do not have to work to pay off debt. I do not have to work to earn money to support and maintain my trinkets. Each day is about maximizing my awareness of the present moment and understanding that the source of my happiness is in how I spend my time, not how I spend my money.

“The best things in life are not things.” - Unkown

Self Aware

Everyone has goals and ambition but without self-awareness, progress can be elusive. This is why many fail to recognize the difference between activity and progress. Activity is RPMs and progress is km/H. Both require a lot of work but only one gets you to where you want to go. 


With kung fu, like anything one wishes to master, success is all about taking consistent, meaningful action. I usually only mention the consistent action but the meaningful aspect is assumed. If you recognize that you need more flexibility in your hamstrings to improve your kung fu, spending all your training time focused on pushups is not going to get you to where you want to be, no matter how hard you work. 

We all want certain things. Unfortunately we’re not always willing to do what needs to be done to earn what we want. If that is the case we need to retool our attitude or change our goals. 

“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” - Zig Ziglar  (1926 - 2012)

Why

Why do we do anything? Have we forgotten? We have been conditioned to commodify everything so much that we forget why we did it in the first place. We work hard to earn money to improve the quality of our lives. Yet more often than not we forget about the quality of life we were striving for and only focus on acquiring more and more money, even sacrificing the quality of our life to to earn more than we need.

If we do not consistently remind ourselves of why we are doing what we are doing, our attitude will no longer align with our goals. Education becomes commodified to become about the degree instead of the knowledge that the degree represents. In kung fu, forms practice devolves into a hoop to jump through in order to earn another promotion as opposed to being about personal mastery.

Where am I? What am I doing? Two important questions that cut through the haze of distraction and remind us of why we do what we do.

“Fact: If standard of living is your number one objective, quality of life almost never improves. But if quality of life is your number one objective, standard of living invariably improves.” - Zig Ziglar (1926 - 2012)