Wrecked him? Damn near killed him.

As 2009 comes to an end, I find myself reflecting upon the year that has just passed. I accomplished many of the goals I had set for myself while unforeseen circumstances conspired to keep other goals out of reach. What I will take onward from 2009 is the evolution of my process.

Small daily accomplishments add up to major progress over the long haul. I have learned to stay mindful and aware of the daily opportunities that are presented and exploit them to the best of my ability. Despite significant physical challenges, I have not only found ways to stay engaged in my training, but also have progressed along avenues I hadn’t expected. The concept of the journey being more important than the destination has been reinforced over and over again this past year.

For me UBBT6 is not ending but rather continuing on into the Live Like a Champion Project. I am still a work in progress and the journey continues to excite and inspire me.

“When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life.” - Greg Anderson (b. 1964)

Simplicity

The Copenhagen Conference has ended without any major progress toward addressing the global climate crisis beyond an agreement to keep working on a solution. Keep working, haven’t we been doing that for decades? Why are we even surprised when you consider there was the Kyoto Accord that was never adhered to. The time for working on a solution is long past, it is time to instigate action.

Whether or not you believe global warming is a man-induced phenomena, it is impossible to ignore the fact that the earth’s resources are depleting at an alarming rate. Sure technological strategies like carbon capture may reduce our greenhouse gas emissions (let’s not even talk about the possible catastrophic ecological ramifications of pumping that stuff underground) but this approach does not address our depleting resources. We are consuming our resources at an unsustainable rate. What I find obscene about the whole debate is that while the developed countries continue to try to protect their precious standard of living, people are starving needlessly.

Why can’t we live simply, consume less, and become aware of the things that really make us happy before it is too late?

Richard Colvin - Living Hero #8

I have always believed the parliamentary system to be the most democratic system of government available. Unfortunately the way the system is exploited by politicians to serve their own personal needs as opposed to the will the people, it can border on a totalitarian dictatorship. Canadians tend to reinforce the self serving agendas of our politicians by accepting their behavior without demanding representation or accountability.

Richard Colvin is a Canadian diplomat who has sacrificed his future career in the foreign service by testifying before the Special Committee on the Canadian Mission in Afghanistan that detainees turned over to local authorities by Canadian soldiers were subsequently tortured. While being attacked personally and threatened by his own government, Colvin has not wavered in his commitment to doing the right thing by bringing the truth to the Canadian people and taking a stand for Canada.

The Conservative government denies they were ever aware of the issue and have since implemented illegal and dirty tactics to suppress evidence to the contrary. Despite great personal sacrifice and hardship, Richard Colvin remains committed to his belief that the war in Afghanistan has gone badly wrong because of poor political leadership, which has endangered Canadian and Afghan lives. He also feels the same view is widely shared among his colleagues who have been silenced by their superiors.

I can only wonder what changes would be possible if everyone was willing to take a stand like Richard Colvin has. I would think that at a minimum we would have a system where our representatives in the House of Commons actually cast their votes for the will of their constituents as opposed to the whim of their party leader.

“Counter-insurgency is an argument to win the support of the locals. Every action, reaction or failure to act become part of the debate. In Kandahar, Canada needs to convince local people that we are better than the Taliban, that our values were superior, that we would look after their interests and protect them. In my judgment, some of our actions in Kandahar, including complicity in torture, turned local people against us. Instead of winning hearts and minds, we caused Kandaharis to fear the foreigners. Canada’s detainee practices alienated us from the population and strengthened the insurgency.” - Richard Colvin (b. 1969)

Romeo Dallaire - Living Hero #7

It is impossible to forget the images of the Rwandan genocide I saw on the news in April 1994. Man’s inhumanity to man front and centre. This situation was so inconceivable it was impossible to make sense of such atrocity. How could the world stand by and let such a thing happen?

Romeo Dallaire was the Force Commander of UNAMIR, the United Nations Assistance Mission for Rwanda when the genocide took place. While battling international bureaucracy, Dallaire is credited with saving over 32,000 Tutsis and moderate Hutus from death despite being undermanned, under equipped, and under empowered.

Since retiring from the Canadian military, Romeo Dallaire has become known for his humanitarian work and as an activist for human rights. Romeo Dallaire currently sits as a Senator in the the Canadian government and his lectures and writings continue to shake many out of their lethargic daze and inspire people all over the world to speak out and take action.

“The genocide was brutal, criminal, and disgusting and continued for 100 days under the eyes of the international community.” - Romeo Dallaire (b. 1946)

UBBT 6 Retrospective

As I approach the end of my first Ultimate Black Belt Test, I realize how short the amount of time is in a single year. I have been reflecting upon the past eleven months and whether or not I am where I expected to be when I started this journey back in January. At a moment like this it is easy to become caught up in everything I haven’t accomplished rather than reflect upon the evolution that has taken place within me over the past eleven months. While a single year may be incredibly short, it is amazing how much opportunity is encapsulated within that year.

The list of what I haven’t accomplished is vast. My goal to study under a lion dance master has been postponed until my knee/leg issues improve. These issues have also prevented me from realizing many of my physical goals. Form reps, sparring rounds, and BJJ are more casualties of my condition. I am looking forward to the opportunity the Live Like a Champion Project will provide me to knock off these goals.

Adaptability. That has been the key to my successful UBBT journey. The value in this past year has been found in the personal growth and self discovery that have transformed me. The time I spent in Alabama with my students, Master McNeill’s visit to my school, and the Thich Nhat Hanh retreat in Colorado were all significant experiences I hadn’t expected or even considered when I began my test. I guess I should be grateful for my physical challenges as I may not have noticed all the other opportunities before me if my UBBT had gone perfectly as planned. Such is the value of the no quitting requirement.

Above all, I am grateful for the relentless push the UBBT provides. Everyday is a day of accomplishment and discovery.

“Aging wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.” - Douglas MacArther (1880 - 1964)

Barack Obama - Living Hero #6

Yeah, it is probably not cool to choose a politician as a living hero, but after living with what had gone on in the world for the eight years prior to his mandate, Barack Obama has given me hope for the future.

I won’t get into the multitude of reasons why many feel he would be a poor choice. No one is perfect. My specific reason for admiring Barack Obama is his ‘dialogue first’ approach to diplomacy. If the world’s most militaristically powerful nation is not willing to engage in dialogue, there is not much hope for resolving conflicts. Dealing with conflict by imposing your will upon your enemy only prolongs and escalates a conflict over the long term. There is much damage that Barack Obama will have to repair before his attempts at resolving some of these conflicts bear fruit, but I have no doubt he is on the right path.

If the economy does not overshadow the world issues that should matter most, Barack Obama has the potential to change the world into something my grandchildren will be able to live with.

“Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time; the need for mankind to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence. Mankind must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.” - Martin Luther King (1929 - 1968)

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped . . .

We’re in the middle of the H1N1 pandemic in Alberta right now and we are all feeling the consequences of poor leadership. Thousands of healthy people stood in line for a vaccine while the high risk population stood unprotected. Heck, even the Calgary Flames got to the front of the queue while children with cystic fibrosis stood in line outside in the cold rain for five hours to get their vaccine. While everyone questioned each other’s “take care of our own” approach, the real problem was a total lack of leadership. Without strong leadership, people tend to adopt the strategy of every man for himself.

After witnessing the chaos surrounding the first wave of vaccinations, one can only wonder what it would be like if the pandemic became such a crisis that Tamiflu becomes the hot commodity. You need to receive the medicine within 48 hours for it to be effective. I can only imagine the widespread panic and violence that would occur if the rolling out of the Tamiflu treatment is as disorganized as the rolling out of the vaccine prevention. Without strong leadership we’re only one mass crisis away from anarchy.

I’ve been thinking a lot about leadership lately and the vital role it plays in society. As a martial arts instructor I understand the value of leadership skills and I work hard at developing my school’s curriculum so that it reinforces this quality in my students. If we’re not producing strong leaders then we’re not maximizing our value to society.

“I don’t spend a lot of time studying stuff” - Ron Liepert, Alberta Minister of Health and Wellness.

Change is in the Wind

Change is inevitable. Our ability to handle change is a big factor in how we cope with stress. I learned a long time ago that it is much easier to accept a change, even one for the worse, if I have done everything within my power to prevent the situation from evolving to the point where change is necessary. I guess if my effort is there and my conscience is clear, I can see factors at play that are beyond my control and I have no choice but to accept and move on.

Some people consider me a risk taker. I know I jump into a lot of situations because my heart tells me to do so and I sort out the details as I go. As long as I have my long term objective in front of me, things always seem to work out for me. Even when things don’t work out the way I had envisioned, time always proves that it was still for the best. Who am I to argue with those types of results?

I am at a crossroads in my life. I guess I have been here for a long time but I have been fighting against the winds of change for so long that I have forgotten about the peace that comes with quiet acceptance. If one avoids something long enough, the stress of avoiding eventually far outweighs the stress of dealing with the situation.

Simplify, simplify, simplify. It has been my creed for along time and it seems that every November brings a fresh perspective to me that allows me to see things much more clearly. No matter how much effort I put into a situation that involves others who have their own agenda, a positive outcome is not in my complete control. It’s time to purge myself of a couple of sloppy situations that are taxing me and sucking my soul dry. Life is too short to fight against the inevitable.

Ahhhh, the sweet release of acceptance......

“Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.” - Denis Waitley (b. 1933)

David Suzuki - Living Hero #5

David Suzuki is a Canadian scientist and broadcaster who is a long time environmental activist dedicated to reversing global climate change through his organization, The David Suzuki Foundation.

“We’re in a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyone’s arguing over where they’re going to sit”

David Suzuki’s academic accomplishments in zoology and genetics are well documented but it is his work in popularizing science and environmental issues that I feel define him as extraordinary. His environmental activism has caused many of us to rethink our values and self absorbed approach to living our lives. His daughter Severn Suzuki’s address at the 1992 United Nations Earth Summit stands out as a reminder of how long the climate change battle has raged on and how far we still have to go if our species is going to survive.

“The human brain now holds the key to our future. We have to recall the image of the planet from outer space: a single entity in which air, water, and continents are interconnected. This is our home.”

David’s book, The Sacred Balance, is a must read for everyone. How minutely we are all intertwined is so well explained you will never question your impact on the world around you again. Buddhists call this ‘interbeing’ and in my opinion the solution of the earth’s problems lies in our ability to embrace this concept. As David Suzuki points out, there is so much we do not know about our world, especially when it comes to our soil. What we do know for sure is that our atmosphere which provides us with a livable climate and air to breathe, is dependent upon the microorganisms in our soil. Perhaps we should reconsider our lifestyles rather than trying to preserve the unsustainable. Once you understand the concept of interbeing, you definitely will question the logic of developing technological solutions, like carbon capture technology that could upset the delicate balance of our soil, to solve what is ultimately a social issue.

“Our personal consumer choices have ecological, social, and spiritual consequences. It is time to reexamine some of our deeply held notions that underlie our lifestyles.”

It is difficult for me to accept that David Suzuki is seventy three years old. Anyone growing up in Canada has learned a lot about science and nature through his CBC television and radio programs that made those subjects so interesting and accessible to everyone. David Suzuki has been a constant voice of reason in a world straining from over consumption and I worry that there is no one ready to fill the void that will be left when he leaves this world. It is definitely up to you and I to step up and make our voices heard.

“In the environmental movement ..... every time you lose a battle it’s for good, but our victories always seem to be temporary and we keep fighting them over and over again.”

Kung Fu Pandamonium

With many of my school’s annual community projects coming online at almost the same time, the autumn season can be a challenge for me to keep everyone reminded of the pertinent roll these projects play in their kung fu training while not overwhelming them with all these extracurricular activities.

One of the most frequent questions I get asked by parents during their enrollment conference is: “Are we required to do any fundraising?” It seems that so many other activities their children are involved in have fundraising responsibilities attached to them to subsidize their enrollment. Since most parents are too busy to participate in these fundraising ventures, they tend to just associate the responsibility as an added expense related to the activity and simply write a cheque to discharge their responsibilities.
Another of the most frequently asked questions by parents is: “Will my child learn how to control the knowledge you are giving him?” No one wants their child to become an aggressive bully.

Control and compassion are byproducts of empathy. The most powerful tool I have at my disposal to teach my students about empathy is our annual Kung Fu Pandamonium Fundraiser. Children’s Ability Fund, Malawi Girls on the Move, Healing Hands of Katmandu, the Simon Poultney Foundation, and the Second Chance Animal Rescue Society will all benefit from our fundraising efforts but the real value in what we do is found in the awareness we foster. While money can assist in addressing certain matters, social issues are best addressed through public education.

We are living in a time where we are blissfully applauding the accomplishments of scientists who are working on making us all immortal while as a society we continue to consume and waste at a rate way beyond anything sustainable. There is this complete disconnect in our logic that allows us to stampede toward discovering a solution to aging while we ignore the fact that our environmental policies are totally destroying the long term viability of our entire species. Does this not seem somewhat insane to attempt to increase our lifespans to a couple of hundred years when our planet does not even have the resources to support our current population? Aging should be the least of our concerns when it comes to expanding our lifespan.

Our future lies in educating people about what is going on in the world around them. Starting with our children, it is imperative that we become personally engaged with issues and learn experientially that writing a cheque is not a solution to problems perpetuated by public apathy and indifference.

“The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read or write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.” - Alvin Toffler (b. 1928)

Rhaul Bharti - Living Hero #4

Rahul Bharti is an accomplished Nuad Phaen Boran teacher who lives in Kathmandu, Nepal. While he is famous worldwide for his teaching and practice of Thai Massage through The Healing Hands Centre that he founded, it is his humanitarian work for the homeless in Kathmandu that is extraordinary.

My school’s benevolent foundation contributed money toward one of Rahul’s mass feedings last year and then I had the opportunity to spend some time with him when he visited Stony Plain over the summer.

My personal experience with Rahul Bharti has been limited but his gentle, enlightened approach to healing the world is obvious to anyone who has the opportunity to spend even a minute in his presence. Rahul does not accept blind monetary donations to his cause. He feels, rightly so, that too many of us throw money at a problem and feel we have done all that we can. Rahul believes the only way to sustain lasting change is to get a personal, visceral commitment from people. People need to experience first hand what a difference their donations and actions can create in order for the decisions they make on a daily basis to become mindful, and as such consistently reflect the change they want to see in the world.

Rahul Bhati is a master at his craft and accordingly can chose to live anywhere in the world in a life of luxury. His heritage resides in India, his family is European, and he chooses to live a simple life in Nepal, helping clothe, feed, and heal the homeless.

“Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go." - Mother Teresa (1910 - 1997)

Trichotillomania

In observance of Mental Illness Awareness Week, one of my black belts has asked everyone to research and educate themselves on a mental illness of their choice. Over half of us will be touched by mental illness at some point in our lives, either directly or indirectly. Despite this staggering statistic, mental health issues remain shrouded in taboo and as a consequence, many people suffer in ashamed silence.

Trichotillomania is a form of self-injurious behavior that can manifest in many ways for different reasons. Trichotillomania is characterized by the urge to pull out your hair. It usually starts with the eyelashes and eyebrows but ultimately spreads to the scalp hair and body hair. For some, hair pulling is an adopted strategy for handling stress and anxiety. By pulling hair and causing the associated pain, the brain releases endorphins that help numb the pain. With elevated endorphin levels we feel less pain and fewer negative effects of stress.

As is the case for most mental illnesses, the side affects of trichotillomania can be even more severe. Imagine only being able to cope with your anxiety and stress by pulling your own hair. It won’t take much time before you start to feel a little self conscious about your appearance. Before long you will adopt a strategy of avoiding going out in public - but the kicker is, if you do go out in public your anxiety and stress levels will be extremely high because of your self consciousness with your appearance. This just leads to more hair pulling and the reinforcing of the whole negative cycle. Clinical depression will soon follow.

Trichotillomania is extremely difficult to treat and unfortunately, most people affected with this disorder are so ashamed and confused about their situation that they never seek treatment. Once a person has the cycle of hair pulling, anxiety, social anxiety, and depression going, it becomes difficult to address one issue without causing a negative affect to another issue. We have to grease the squeaky wheel and suffer the consequences because whatever issue is at the biggest crisis level becomes the priority.

The key for successful treatment of any type of mental illnesses is early intervention. Sufferers tend to go through the phases of denial and embarrassment before they ask for help. By the time they have accepted their condition and seek treatment, their condition has often become more complicated and so their treatment strategy also becomes more complicated.

The real key to combating mental illness is raising awareness. If we can remove the taboo associated with mental health issues we will open up worlds of possibility for those who are currently suffering alone in silence.

“Mental health problems to not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one.” - Dr. William Menninger (1899 - 1966)

Interpretation vs. Intent

This week I was reminded of the the disconnect that can occur in communication when a person’s interpretation of something said is contrary to the message the speaker had intended to convey. There are many reasons why miscommunication occurs but I find almost all instances are instigated by an emotional response. Many times we hear what we want to hear and almost everything we take in is filtered by the paradigms we have constructed over the years, and our own self talk.

In communication, context is everything when considering intent. A solitary word has very precise definitions but once you put that word in a sentence with other words or a paragraph that defines the context, its relevance to the conversation changes. Stripping a word out of an entire conversation and ignoring the context in which the word was used will almost always distort the intent behind the word. Not to mention that the more ambiguous the word that is used, the more wiggle room there is for interpretation.

Anger management training is probably one of the most powerful tools a person can acquire to improve their communication skills. Not only does it teach you how to convey your thoughts in a non confrontational manner, but it also gives you the insights you need to open your mind to alternative interpretations of other people’s words and actions.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” -George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

And the Monkey Flips the Switch

Once again the Alberta government is restructuring our healthcare delivery system. Their feast or famine approach to budgeting the provincial coffers continues to leave mayhem in their wake. By the time our healthcare system adjusts to the new corporate structure, the circumstances of the economy will have changed and so will their spending habits. This is why our healthcare system will never be as efficient or effective as it could be.

The US debate over healthcare reform has caused me to ponder. If you consider that the US public expenditure on healthcare is much higher per capita than most developed countries that have universal healthcare (Americans pay more in taxes devoted to medical care - not including insurance premiums, co-payments, fees, and other health care costs), it becomes disconcerting that the number of Americans that have zero healthcare coverage is fifty million - almost double the entire population of Canada.

What about the quality of healthcare? The arguments about timely access and current technologies seem to be invalid in light of the value the United States is getting for their healthcare expenditures. The US is one of the lowest ranked developed countries on measures of life expectancy, infant mortality, and reductions in amenable mortality (deaths from certain causes that should not occur in the presence of timely and effective healthcare).

So why is everyone so worked up about healthcare reform? I understand that a big part of this debate is that many are playing to the socialism paranoia response. But in light of all the public money that has been sunk into bailing out so many corporations and all the US government incentives rolled out to help people purchase cars and homes, I would expect a somewhat more tolerant palate toward the prospect of universal healthcare.

“The welfare of each is bound up in the welfare for all.” - Helen Keller (1880 - 1968)

Fat, I Ate Fat

I’m twenty four days into my vegetarian challenge, a challenge that I hope to make a permanent part of my lifestyle, and a complication has manifested. I couldn’t help notice that within the last two weeks I have lost some muscle mass in my upper body, arms, and shoulders. I had this same issue with my legs late last year and so of course I am a little concerned as to what may or may not be going on.

I figure there could be a couple of things at play. I have completed fifty thousand pushups over the past eight and a half months. Could it be I am not giving my muscles enough recovery time and thus am actually breaking down muscle rather than building it? Or could it be that with the increase in physical activity that comes with challenging the UBBT, my daily caloric intake may not be sufficient? My biggest concern is that maybe I am not taking in enough protein as a vegetarian and thus am not feeding my body what it needs to maintain my increased muscle mass. Or could it be something more sinister and systemic that is still lurking below the surface. With what happened with my legs earlier, a guy has to wonder.

Regardless of what this turns out to be, I have to admit that I feel the best I have in years. Sure my legs are giving me issues but my chronic shoulder problems have all but disappeared. My metabolism is such that I can think of a number and within a week my weight is right there. I have cleared up many bad habits that I didn’t even realize I had. It’s been a great year.

“Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet.” - Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

Interbeing

Friday was the first anniversary of Travis Panasiuk’s death. It took so long to put that event behind me and now I find that even though it has only been a year, it seems like he has been gone for ten. For weeks prior to this day, I agonized over whether or not it was appropriate to contact his family. There was no doubt that the day was going to be an emotional one for them. Would my interference make the pain worse or would they welcome my sentiments? Ultimately I decided not to impose myself and so I let the day pass without contacting his family directly, but my thoughts and prayers were with them.

I spent my Friday thinking about Travis and how much he continues to influence and inspire me. Travis’ passion for his kung fu was infectious and I have used his inspiration to fuel my drive as I push myself to new limits. It does bring a smile to my face when I realize that Travis continues to live on in all of us. The fourteen months that he was in my life’s sphere will always be a part of me. His influence is reflected in every student I teach and in every person they meet. Travis’s soul has become imprinted upon all he has met, he is a part of our collective DNA.

“They are not dead who live in lives they leave behind; In those whom they have blessed, they live a life again, And shall live, through the years, Eternal life, and grow each day more beautiful As time declares their good, Forgets the rest, and prove”
- Hugh Robert Orr

Franticness

Franticness. I watch a lot of franticness every week. People franticly trying to accomplish their tasks, people franticly trying to fit in. I know people who find it impossible to sit through a movie at home without needing to get up and do something in the middle of it, their minds trapped in a perpetual frantic commotion. Other people jump franticly from one experience to another, declaring each time that their latest experience is life altering and yet they never stop searching. So much franticness is applied to our lives in some sort of quest to build the life we wish to live that we tend to forget to actually live.

The fact is, everything is constantly changing and nothing is permanent. We will all be different people when we go to bed tonight than we were when we woke up this morning. Any notion to the contrary is a reflection of our own self esteem and arrogance. My decisions, my values, and my accomplishments are all based upon my experiences and influences, and thus every experience, no matter its magnitude, is relevant to who we are and who we will become.

May I have the wisdom to remain flexible in my views and recognize that truth is found in life, not dogma. If my humbleness is such that I recognize that others change as I do, I will become less judgmental, allowing me to listen and experience with an open heart, and become more receptive to the miracles life has to offer in the present moment.

“Present-moment living, getting in touch with your now, is at the heart of effective living. When you think about it, there really is no other moment you can live. Now is all there is, and the future is just another present moment to live when it arrives.” - Wayne Dyer (b. 1940)

I Am Project - In Training

I am currently in Estes Park, Colorado attending a mindfulness retreat under Thich Nhat Hanh. As with most things in life, nothing has gone as planned.

My first flirtation with disaster was when the airline misplaced my luggage. I didn’t think that was possible when you have a direct flight but it turns out it is. I say misplaced because their computer showed that both me and my luggage got off the same plane but my luggage somehow did not make its way up to the claim carousel. The airline’s lost luggage department could not contact the baggage department because no one was answering their pages or phone calls so I was stuck until an incredibly nice lady went through extraordinary measures to help me out. She said I was making her feel guilty for being so patient and respectful (acts of kindness are really paying off). She took the time to close her desk and make a trip “to the dungeon” as she described it, to look for my luggage. Thanks to a big cat name tag my daughter had put on my suitcase, my luggage was found amongst a conglomeration of other plain black suitcases caught in airport travel limbo.

It has been a lifelong dream of mine to spend at least six months studying Zen full time, but life is such that some things are destined to stay only dreams. The next best thing to studying Zen full time is to have the opportunity to attend an event like this with a Zen Master. I was obviously disappointed to learn upon my arrival that Thich Nhat Hanh had been hospitalized in Massachusetts with a lung infection and would not be able to attend this retreat. Yes I was disappointed yet things, it seems, always work out for me. I realize now that I came here for all the wrong reasons. If Thich Nhat Hanh had not become sick and had attended this event, his presence would have defined the event for me and I would have possibly missed out on one of the most significant opportunities of my life.

Anyone who has not felt the presence of God has not experienced walking meditation in complete silence with one thousand other people. I have never been a social person and crowds make me uncomfortable, yet here I am sharing an intensely personal experience with one thousand complete strangers and not only enjoying it, but relishing it. Alone with my thoughts, and concentrating on staying in the moment, I felt an incredible connection to everyone around me yet the only sound in the mountain air was that of our treading footsteps, the wind rustling through the trees, and the singing birds. Words and conversation would have only ruined the experience. Sometimes the best things in life happen in those moments of noble silence.

This experience has given me great hope for the future of mankind. I think often of how many of our great leaders are coming to the end of their lives and I wonder if there will be anyone ready to take their place when the time comes. Seeing Thich Nhat Hanh’s monastics in action this week, and sharing this whole experience with one thousand other like minded souls, leaves no doubt in my mind that our potential is strong.

“The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply into the present moment and feeling truly alive.” - Thich Nhat Hanh (b. 1926)

I am Project - Engaged

As I prepare for what is usually my busiest time of year, I have been spending some time reflecting upon my goals and progress.

It seems impossible that I am over half way through my Ultimate Black Belt Test. It seems like I just started and am still building momentum. My UBBT journey to date has been one big paradox. While there hasn’t been a minute of any day that has passed that I haven’t been totally engaged with my test and working toward my goals, I have not accomplished nearly what I had expected considering the sweat and effort I have been applying. I have to admit though, this has been the best year I have ever had for personal growth.

I have completed 42,105 pushups, 37,617 sit ups, and 888 acts of kindness, My other numbers reflect the struggle I have had with my leg issues. My BJJ mat time has been kept to only 15 hours and promises to stay at that number for the duration of my test. The knees just can’t take the strain of the grappling. My form and sparring have both also suffered from my ailment coming in at 233 reps and 144 rounds respectively while I have been able to only accumulate 634 kilometers of running/walking. However, I am thankful for the opportunity my ailment has provided me. I have adjusted my goals to reflect my leg limitation and have broadened my test’s scope to include many organizational goals as well. I am definitely getting a great return on my investment with the UBBT.

For the first time in a couple of decades, I feel able to concentrate on my own training. This spring I got to spend few days with Master McNeill learning some of his cane system. I learn a lot every time I get a chance to talk to him. I can’t believe how fortunate I am to have the opportunity to hang out with someone like Master Dave. I have been accepted to study under lion dance master Yiu Tai Tung in Hong Kong. My legs won’t allow me to begin this training for a few more months, inevitably after UBBT 6 ends, but I am really stoked about achieving this goal in 2010 or 2011. Next week I will be traveling to study with Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, one of my living heros. I am giddy in anticipation. What a year this has been so far!

“In the present circumstances, no one can afford to assume that someone else will solve their problems. Every individual has a responsibility to help guide our global family in the right direction. Good wishes are not sufficient; we must become actively engaged.” - Dali Lama (b. 1935)

I Am Project - Rational

The level of apathy and indifference I see in the world can overwhelm me at times. The absolutely insane things people and societies can rationalize boggles the mind. As a group, maybe it’s time for us to slow down, take a deep breath, and think about the rationality of our actions.

As of 2010, the province of Alberta is banning weed and feed lawn products. The herbicide-fertilizer combination contains a chemical called 2,4,-D (2,4-dichlorophenoxyacetic acid) that is highly mobile when it runs off lawns into storm drainage systems and drains into creeks, rivers and ultimately our water supply. With Alberta’s abysmal environmental record, you have to figure that the water supply must be significantly damaged or at risk for the government to take such action. In response to the pending ban, garden suppliers massively stocked up on weed and feed in anticipation of the public doing the same thing. As predicted, everyone is now sold out of the toxic chemical but well stocked consumers will be continuing to poison our water supply for many more years to come. All in the name of a green, lush lawn.

Where are we heading? If our group response to the banning of a toxic chemical is to stock up on that chemical, can we ever be trusted to make rational decisions for the sake of the planet and future generations?

When I am rational, the argument concerning global warming and environmental awareness is irrelevant. Conspicuous consumption and prioritizing the economy above the environment are relevant issues that have us on the brink of disaster. They must be addressed. From my perspective, these problems are not that difficult to solve. We just need to think things through.

“The conspicuous consumption of limited resources has yet to be accepted widely as a spiritual error, or even bad manners.” - Barbara Kingsolver (b.1955)

I Am Project - A Warrior

I grew up in a Canada that had the international reputation as a peace keeper. Up until Afghanistan I had never experienced war in my lifetime. Now Canada has been at war in Afghanistan for so long that there are hardly any children in the country who can recall a time when we were not at war. War is the norm for them and their impression of what it means to be a Canadian is vastly different than mine.

Support our troops. I am bombarded by this message a hundred times a day via bumper stickers. Support our troops. I am always carefully censoring myself when I express my opinions out of fear that I may be interpreted as not supporting our troops. I have nothing but respect for my country and even more respect for anyone who is willing to die for what they believe in. Our troops have my complete support and there is not a day that goes by that I do not reflect upon the sacrifice they are making.

125. That is the total number of Canadians who have died in Afghanistan while serving our country. At some point we all must ask ourselves the big question: What exactly are they dying for? Of course there are all the standard reasons: “They’re making our country safe”, “They’re fighting terrorism there so we don’t have to fight it here”, “They’re protecting our rights and our values”, “They’re standing up for what Canada believes in”, there are plenty of reasons. Support our troops. How do I best support our troops? Do I blindly throw my support into the war and not question the ultimate logic of waging an ideological battle without dialogue or negotiation? Does it really support our troops if I do not question the long term consequences of trying to solve a problem with a gun and an eye for an eye philosophy? Are my great grandchildren going to be expected to support the troops of their generation while they are fighting in a war being fought over the hatred our wars of today are creating? Maybe the best way I can support our troops is to ask the question - HOW? How does waging this war make my country safer? How do our actions and conduct at home and abroad reflect our values? I often wonder what the families of fallen soldiers are thinking when they see the country their loved one has died for, violating the rights of its own citizens and neglecting the very values that we are supposedly fighting for.

A warrior is someone who knows how to fight. A warrior has many means at his disposal to achieve his goals. Beyond the total annihilation of one’s opponent, a war very rarely resolves any conflict over the long term. It may suppress the conflict for a length of time but it does not resolve it. A warrior recognizes and utilizes the best method to achieve his goals. Sometimes the best method is not the brutal imposition of your will.

The best way we can support our troops in Afghanistan is by enforcing accountability at home and demand that our leaders uphold the laws and values Canadian men and women are dying to protect. It’s time to stand up and be counted.

“I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity.” - Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)

I Am Project - An Activist

I’m angry, frustrated, and ashamed. We live in a society that is structured to exploit the planet and its citizens by promoting consumption to support an economic model that is based entirely on greed. This greed has blinded us and is not only preventing us from noticing how we are destroying our values that we wage wars to defend, but bringing our entire species to the brink of extinction.

The city of Edmonton has been annexing prime farmland to support economic growth and urban sprawl for so long that there is no longer sufficient usable farmland to produce enough food to support the city’s population. The municipality is now totally dependent upon imported food.

While Alberta has had a huge budget surplus for many years, the provincial government has not invested anything meaningful into diversifying the provincial economy to stimulate economic growth outside the oil industry. We continue to rape the environment to exploit this non renewable resource without stopping to consider the actual cost in water, wildlife, public health, and quality of life.

One of the things that spoke to me about the 100. and the UBBT was the huge potential these organizations possessed in facilitating change. If Wal-Mart can be convinced to support the organic food industry because their sales history reflects a consumer trend in that direction, the proof is there that every individual has power and influence. Can there be any doubt as to the impact a few enlightened martial arts teachers can have on the planet?

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” - Howard Thurman (1900 -1981)

I Am Project - Intrepid

I’m not much of a talker or socializer. I prefer to listen to a story than tell one of my own, and new experiences have always been a social challenge for me. Ironically, all my growth and personal successes have come about through intrepid decisions that have taken me way out of my comfort zone where I have exploited the opportunities that have presented themselves.

The biggest factor holding many of my students back is their fear of failure. So many avoid anything too far removed from familiar ground. Sure they have other excuses like “I’m too busy” or “I’m too broke”, but in almost all cases the reality is that most of us will find any excuse to avoid the stress that is associated with situations that induce anxiety.

Opportunity only knocks so many times and life is too short to let these windows close. When I look back at my past, I have more regrets for the moments I never seized than any actions I have taken. The best lesson my father ever gave me was when he advised me during a crossroads in my career. He said: “Jeff if you don’t take this chance, you will spend the rest of your life wondering what if.” I have kept his advice front and centre and it has never failed me.

When I am intrepid, I create opportunities for personal growth and open myself up to new experiences and new people. If I had never contacted Tom Callos about the 100. I would never have made my first trip to Alabama where I met Master McNeill. These two great teachers have given me so much over the past two years and their influence has fueled my resolve to challenge myself to the fullest so that I can honestly say at the end of every day that I am a different person than I was when I woke up this morning.

Whether it be a seminar in forms or chi kung, if my students are intrepid they will value the opportunities that cross their paths and become the martial artist that they want to be.

“When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply for taking and did not take, my heart is like to break.” - William Hale White (1831 - 1913)

I Am Project - An Artist

I own an old VHS copy of Grand Master Ed Parker teaching a seminar at a martial arts school in California. The video is 80’s vintage, shot with a video camera of the same era so of course the quality is poor. There is a portion where GM Parker is explaining the force vectors associated with executing the high rising block and how it corresponds to the theory of orbital motion. His forty minute explanation is thorough, so thorough in fact that if one of my black belts were talking for that long during a class, I would have been quietly reaching for the big hook to pull them aside to tell them “less yak and more smack”. Yet when I watch this video, and I have over and over again, I find myself completely enthralled with every word GM Parker has to say and as he speaks I feel my mind opening up to his ideas and my fascination growing. Such is the power of passion.

Like any art kung fu has technical, physical, emotional, and spiritual components. Above all kung fu is an art and I am an artist. My passion will fuel my work.

“Traditionalists often study what is taught, not what there is to create.”
- Ed Parker (1931 - 1990)

Nathan Spasiuk - Living Hero #3

For the previous ten years leading up to September of 2003, my hair was longer than both my daughters. Over the years I had become known as the kung fu guy with the long hair. I hadn’t pictured myself ever shaving my head until the son of one of my coworkers was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. Watching my friend and his family go through the ordeal of cancer really caused me to shake my head and wonder how anyone can endure such a challenge. The more I learned about Nathan and how bravely he faced this disease, the more I came to admire him. It was an easy decision to part with my hair when Nathan lost his during his treatment and as a group we raised over $13,000 for cancer research by shaving our heads in support of Nathan.

Nathan Spasiuk was born on February 26, 1998. Up to kindergarten everything was normal and nothing seemed amiss until the June when he finished his school year. I do not think I can accurately describe the overwhelming scope of what Nathan and his family endured at this time so I am going to directly quote Nathan’s father Greg:

“Looking out of the window from the fourth floor of the Stollery Hospital at the setting eleven o'clock sun that July, I hoped that my five year old son would recover from surgery. Nathan was laying motionless except for his breathing. He just had brain surgery to remove a tumour.

A few weeks before we noticed that at the end of the kindergarten that June, that Nathan had some welts on his body. He also vomited several times, but we just dismissed it as heatstroke since our house was hot. We did notice that he walked slowly with his feet pointed outward. Some children are just easier going and we thought that Nathan was just a laid back child with nothing to rush around for. In July Nathan would go and play and then come back with a headache. He would lie down for a while and would feel good and then would get up and then would get a headache again. Looking back I do not know how we missed it, it was obvious, but then nobody ever expects that your child would have a brain tumour. We found out later that the tumour was at the base of the cerebellum and the tumour would block the cerebrospinal fluid from the ventricles in the brain and pressure would build up. He would lie down and then the pressure would be released because the fluid would be able to escape. We took him to see his paediatrician on July 16, 2003. From the time we noticed something to the time he was diagnosed with a brain tumour was 2 1/2 weeks.

The paediatrician sent Nathan to the UAH Paediatric Emergency where a CAT scan was done. The initial doctor never saw anything and he said he would get a radiologist to look at the x-rays and he sent us home. About 2 hours later they called us back to the hospital and told us that they think he has a tumour. They did another CAT scan and scheduled him for a MRI the next day and then for emergency surgery on the 3rd day after his diagnoses.

The doctors were happy that they were able to get a MRI. When I looked at the MRI image and saw this tumour on the MRI, I almost fainted (I did have to sit down). The tumour was the size of his eyeball (the doctors described it as the size of an apricot). The doctors said that we were lucky to have caught it as soon as we did because most of the times they see children that have a tumour and come to emergency unconscious and the tumour is a size of a apple (for some reason the doctors like to describe everything in relation to fruit or vegetables). For these children there is no time for a MRI, just a CAT Scan, and so the surgeons do not really know what they are up to until the surgery.

We did not have time to dwell on anything. The doctors said that Nathan might need an intracranial drain to drain the cerebrospinal fluid and that the drain may be permanent. The drain was really undesirable because of the chance of infection and the chances that it could be blocked and cause pressure that could cause brain damage. They said that he might not be able to see, walk, talk, use his hands or any other motor function for some time after the surgery or he may permanently lose the ability to use them. The physicians really did not know the outcome of such an operation, we just had to wait and see. All of these undesirable conditions seemed very insignificant at this moment because we just wanted him to live.

The surgery was a total of eight and a half hours and the two neurologists took shifts throughout the day. After the surgery a neurologist sort of hinted that the tumour was probably cancerous because it sort of looked more like an onion (again a fruit or vegetable), but he officially couldn't tell us until after the biopsy came back . When the results came back a week later it was confirmed that he had medulablastoma, a form of brain cancer. The rate of survival was 60%. This meant that he would have a 60% chance of being alive five years after treatment. A friend's nephew got diagnosed with the exact same illness a couple of years after Nathan was diagnosed. My friend's nephew was ten years old when he got diagnosed and ten months later he passed away. It was very tough times for everybody.

A couple of days after the surgery another MRI was done and the doctors found that the cancer had metastasised into the cerebrospinal fluid and into the spinal column. The surgery was successful, but unfortunately since the cancer was spreading the doctors had to place him into an aggressive protocol and it would start as soon as he recovered from the operation.

After surgery Nathan was unable to see or talk for a couple of days. He eventually regained his sight, but he was hypersensitive to light. He was not able to use his hands and had to relearn to use them. Since the surgery affected all of his motor functions he also could not walk and he had to learn how to walk again. It took him over a month until he was able to walk again.

One of the diagnostic tests that was done on Nathan was a Bone Scan which involved him to lay still on a hard table while a large plate ,the size of the table he was on, was positioned just over top of his nose. It took about 20 minutes where he was not allowed to move. This bone scan was used to see if there was any sign of cancer in the marrow of the bones. We were relieved that there was currently no sign of cancer in his bones and this was the first bit of news that we received that was not negative.

The cancer treatment protocol required 33 radiation treatments to the cranium where the tumour was and also to his spinal column to try to wipe out the cancer in the fluid. The protocol also required him to be on a twelve month chemotherapy treatment. As it turned out the chemotherapy lasted for about 15 months because during the chemotherapy if his body was too weak to start the next stage of chemotherapy the doctors would delay it until his body was ready.

The radiation treatment required that a mould be made to hold his head and body in the same position for all of the treatments. This required him to lie still while cloths with plaster were laid over his head and upper body to make a cast which would later be used to mould the acrylic plastic for his mould. He was very cooperative for these procedures.

Radiation treatments started in September during the first week of Grade One. The doctors mentioned to us to try to do everything as normally as possible so we scheduled his radiation treatments for early in the morning so he could be in school for his first class. He was so tired from the treatments, but he still wanted to go to school. When chemotherapy started along with the radiation treatments, he eventually lost all of his hair including his eyebrows and eyelashes.

Another MRI was done after the radiation treatments and it was found that the tumours that were in the cerebrospinal fluid cleared up. The doctors speculated that what they thought were tumours may have been blood from the operation that looked like tumours on the MRI.

Nathan lost his appetite and he just would not eat. Eventually we had to use a feeding pump and hooked it up to his nasogastro tube. He pushed an IV pole with the feeding pump and feeding bag around the house . We had it hooked up also during the night so while he was sleeping he would get fed. He would often get sick and not much of the fluid would stay down. Along with the fluid coming up, his NG tube would also come up and then we would have to remove it and get another tube inserted.

Nathan also had to have surgery to place an IVAD port under his skin. This port was connected to a tube and was attached to the vena cava (large vein going back to the heart). This port allowed the nurses to draw blood from him and to administer drugs without poking him in the arm to find a vein.

The chemotherapy was really hard on Nathan and he was really weak by the end of August (a bit over a year after he was diagnosed). During the treatments he required over 30 blood transfusions to help his weakened body. By the end of November he completed the chemotherapy and started his recovery.

Nathan was pretty amazing throughout his diagnoses and treatments. For his first MRI they gave him a general anaesthetic because it was an automatic protocol that all children his age would be put under for the half to three quarter hour MRI. We did not want him to get anaesthetized because it would just wipe him out, so the second MRI we told the doctors that Nathan would lay still. They were hesitant to do this because they did not want any movement. We reassured them that he wouldn't move. We talked to him about the importance of laying still and he somehow seemed to really understand the seriousness and importance of everything that we were doing to him. He never did move and the Radiation Technologists said that he changed the way they deal with some children since he was the first child under a certain age to be awake during the MRI. I remember after one of the many MRIs that he had he said to me "Dad, I had an itchy nose, but I didn't dare move." This is quite the determination for a five year old to not scratch his nose half way through a 45 minute MRI. During every procedure and treatment it was like he knew his life depended on it, which it was.

Nathan still has not been declared cancer free. Usually this is five years after all of his cancer treatments have been completed. This November will be five years since the end of the treatments.

What Nathan is now battling is the side effects of the radiation and the chemotherapy. The first notable thing about him is his hair loss, which is not that major of a condition. He does have thinned out hair on the top of his head, but where the radiation treatments entered his scull, the hair is missing.

He is on a growth hormone therapy because the radiation affected his pituitary gland which is where the growth hormone is made. Six evenings a week he gets a needle with the growth hormone. At the beginning of hormone treatments he was in grade five, but he was the size of a grade three child. He has since grown.

When he was receiving radiation treatment the doctors had to radiate the frontal lobe of the brain and unfortunately his eyes were in the path of the beam, so the eyes also received some radiation. We knew that eventually he would develop cataracts from the radiation, but they developed sooner then we expected and when he was nine years old he had cataract surgery in both eyes.

One of the side affects of one of the chemotherapy drugs was the possibility of nerve damage and this drug affected one foot in that he walks with a straight foot without any flexation. Another side effect of one of the chemotherapy drugs affected his kidneys, bladder, and his digestive tract. His digestive tract almost fully recovered except when he eats certain food is does not sit well with him. Another drug affected his hearing so now he wears hearing aides to school.

Mentally Nathan is doing great. The treatments did have an affect on his processing speed and memory. Nathan is slower than most classmates on timed assignments and often requires reminders to stay on task.

Nathan still gets a MRI, echocardiogram, pulmonary function test, audiogram and blood tests once a year.

Nathan has spent over one hundred nights at the Stollery Hospital along with almost two hundred other days for tests and checkups. He confesses that he did not really know why he had tests and procedures done on him at the time other then he had a cancerous brain tumour, and he did not know why the big fuss about the cancer…kids just grow up, don’t they?

Nathan has had such a positive impact on people he has met. He has been involved with the Stollery Hospital Foundation, the Kids With Cancer Society, and the Make A Wish Foundation. He has helped raise millions of dollars by being involved with radiothons, galas, head shaves, and other fund raising events. He has given short speeches, sang, and played piano at fund raising galas. Nathan co-hosted a Mayor’s Gala that was a black tie affair at the Hotel MacDonald.

The impact he had was evident this past November when he was at a radiothon and a lady came and hugged him. She said that she heard Nathan the year before on the radio and after hearing Nathan she made a donation to the Stollery Hospital. Little did she know at the time, but she was pregnant … with twins… and when the babies were born they were required to be in the NICU at the Stollery. She was so grateful for Nathan since he made such a positive impact on her and that she was not afraid of what was happening, just be positive.

Usually when you hear about children going through cancer treatments it sounds so routine: get a MRI, have surgery, have radiation and chemotherapy treatment, etc.. It is nice to know that it is routine now. What is amazing is how these children, who did not ask for this to happen to them and would have died if it was not for modern medicine, have more insight into life and living and are mature beyond their years.

Nathan will be entering Grade Seven this fall. As a family we have been affected and are so grateful for how well everything has turned out. We do not look and see what we do not have, but rather are so happy for everything that we do have. Nathan has inspired myself, my wife, his younger brother , and everybody that knows him.”

Nathan’s drive and optimism have inspired me a great deal over the past six years. I can only hope to aspire to become the leader Nathan is. I still catch myself sometimes instinctively reaching back to pull my hair out of my collar and each time that happens, a smile crosses my face as I am reminded of the strength of Nathan, his brother Tomas, and his parents Greg and Connie. I consider myself blessed to have the strength of their inspiration in my life and I am thankful for all the others Nathan and his family have helped cope with the challenges of cancer.

I Am Project - Disciplined

A requirement of all my black belts and black belt candidates is weekly journalling. I have learned over the years that writing out my thoughts helps me organize my mind and give me insight into my faults and motivations. It is a tool that I encourage all my students to use.

Sometimes it can be difficult to concentrate or even organize my thoughts to the degree required to actually record them in some sort of comprehensible manner. At times like that it is easy to put off my journalling efforts until gumption, opportunity, and inspiration happen to intersect. Without structure and discipline it is easy to fall behind and let time slip by without even noticing I am not fulfilling my commitment to myself until it is too late. To top it off, if I do not journal I am not completely reflecting upon my motivations and actions and thus I tend to react to things in my life without truly understanding the situation that I am reacting to. Makes for hasty decisions and bad choices.

My first trip to Alabama was a real eye opener for me concerning the value of structure. It had been a long time since I had experienced a prolonged situation where my time was structured to such a degree. I really excelled with this imposed structure and I felt more focus and thus experienced more efficiency than I had for years. This gave me insight to the value of discipline in my journalling.

Since I do not have complete control of my gumption or inspiration, it is important for me to exploit the one thing I can control - opportunity. Sunday is my down time, I know that at some point during the day I will have the time and opportunity to journal. If I am disciplined and adhere to the structure of journalling every Sunday, whether or not I have anything to express (like today for instance), I will fulfill my weekly journalling goal and further imprint the discipline of journalling upon my weekly structure.

I know it provides comfort to me when I read my UBBT teammates’ journals. What they write is not as important to me as the fact that they did take the time to write. There is something soothing about knowing they’re out there and traveling on the same path as me.

“He that cannot obey, cannot command.” - Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

I Am Project - Exuberant

I had big plans for the Exuberant portion of the I Am Project. I had envisioned a video entry that opened on an open field. Off in the horizon a figure would appear running toward the camera (picture Michael Palin’s “It’s” man in the opening credits of Monty Python’s Flying Circus). The figure would turn out to me me and basically I was going to be jumping and screaming in front of the camera in an exuberant fashion. Thought it would be an easy, fun entry but then the leg issues hit. Hard to look exuberant when you move like Quasimodo.

The longer I absorb myself in my training and the challenges of the UBBT, the more excited I get about the journey. I have run into so many roadblocks and obstacles in the first six months of the test and yet my personal growth has been exponential. I know that I probably will not complete everything I set out to do when I started this but at the same time I would be questioning how high I set the bar for myself if come February 2010 I had achieved everything. Kind of like asking $5000 for the car you are selling while hoping you will get $3500 only to find the first guy to look at it gives you the $5000. You’re definitely going to wonder if you were asking enough. It seems like I have been moving on my requirements at light speed with my cape billowing in my wake and yet it is going to take something miraculous to happen for me to complete everything I set out to accomplish. Hence why I’ve already enrolled for next year too.

My twenty student members have been a real asset to me on this journey. Their involvement has kept my accountability factor high and their excitement has fueled my own. I had not noticed how much of my time is spent keeping them on track and motivated, and the mental toll it takes on me, until I received a surprise letter from England this week. The letter, arriving after he had already returned, was from one of my black belt students. You never really know how much a positive word can affect you and your outlook. The fact that he took the time in his travels to write me this note really fueled my soul. It’s funny how those close to you can sometimes do or say exactly what you need when you aren’t even aware that you need it. I am definitely exuberant.

“Nothing ever succeeds which exuberant spirits have not helped to produce.” - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)

I Am Project - An Institution

Over the past twenty two years that I have been teaching, I have promoted sixty six people to black belt and out of that number forty two are still active students. It is always difficult to keep people engaged in their training after they endure the ordeal of their black belt grading. It seems that the final six month push where they eat and sleep kung fu twenty four hours a day almost always induces a self imposed sabbatical where the newly promoted black belts wish to reclaim some spare time. It’s unfortunate because it can be very difficult to get back into the swing of things after any length of disengagement from training. So I guess forty two out of sixty six after twenty two years isn’t such a bad number.

A lesson, or philosophical outlook, I give every black belt candidate on the day of their grading is the hierarchical priority of the student, the school, and the art. I try to instill a perspective within them that stresses the importance of the school over the student and the art. For without the school we would not have the student and without the student the art will become extinct.

It is always a risk when I send one of my black belts off to train in another art. You hope you have established yourself and your school as an institution of such importance that their perspective for the significance of their original school is never questioned. It can be so easy to take your old art and training mates for granted when the new art you are studying is providing new stimulus every class that you share with a whole new batch of training mates who have the same infective enthusiasm of beginners. This is why most schools I know do not permit their black belts to cross train despite the benefits this extra training would provide.

I have worked hard to establish my school and myself as an institution of excellence with a reputation of community activism and compassion. In my school we consider each other as family, and as Master Dave says: “family comes first”, so my students should never forget their loyalty to their original school, no matter where they are currently training. I trust them completely to continue to make decisions that reflect a passion for what their family stands for.

“When you leave here, don’t forget why you came” - Adlai E. Stevenson (1900 - 1965)

I Am Project - A Beacon

There is something that crosses my mind ever so often has really been resonating with me since Master McNeill’s visit last weekend. We are only given so many opportunities in our lifetime and it is important that we seize these opportunities and make the most of them.

When you consider the mathematical improbability of meeting a specific individual on a vast planet of six billion souls, this improbability borders on impossibility when you factor in our short lifespan. If you take that one step further and consider how few of our species are truly evolved human beings, the importance of each meeting and the opportunities it provides is accentuated.

The thought that consumes me at times is: Who is in the wings to replace these evolved individuals when they pass on? The leadership and inspiration of a Thich Nhat Hanh, a Dave McNeill, a Pamela Dorr, a Tom Callos, a David Suzuki is priceless. If we are not developing people of quality and character who can fill the shoes of the leaders of today, our society will surely suffer a massive loss.

I know I am blessed to have the opportunities that kung fu has given me. I exploited one such opportunity this past weekend and spent three days with Master McNeill. This experience has caused me to ponder every single student that has crossed my path over the years. How many have I failed to inspire to pursue their training? Perhaps they were potential leaders who may not fulfill their full potential because I failed to reach them. I recognize that my kung fu has made me a beacon that can draw many people, and thus many opportunities, to me and my influence. This is an awesome responsibility.

If I keep my experience of last weekend in front of me, I know I will not forget my role as a beacon and I will make the most of the opportunities that come my way through the people I meet.

“He who influences the thoughts of his times, influences all the times that follow. He has made his impress on eternity.” - Anonymous

I Am Project - A Student

If we are truly judged by the company we keep, I rock. I just spent the entire weekend with Master Dave McNeill and it was one of my best weekends ever.

It’s funny how quickly we can lose the knack of being a student. Of course I have never stopped learning but my learning adaptability skills are definitely rusty. When you have been training with the same people for so many years, you tend to develop a mental and spiritual connection with those people that makes communication, interpretation, and comprehension effortless. I realize now that I have been taking this ease of learning for granted.

Master McNeill is one of the most genuine, engaged people I have ever met. I am not the most socially adept of people out there but the ease I feel when I am around him is amazing. Yet despite being well within my social comfort zone with him and having most of the techniques he taught completely compatible with my kung fu system, I struggled to comprehend and grasp everything he was teaching. My mind tends to work in a nonlinear fashion and is inclined to dwell in the abstract. I usually can get away with this when I am learning from my long time instructor and training mates but I found myself falling into several Spaceman Spiff moments this weekend. On one hand I feel some frustration with not making the most of my opportunity to learn from Master Dave, but on the other hand I am totally stoked about the whole experience. What a great feeling to be a student at this level again. This journal posting could have just as easily been I Am Exuberant.

I can’t express enough gratitude to Coach Tom Callos for all the opportunities and motivation he has given me over the years. None greater than this weekend I have been privileged to share with Master Dave McNeill. I owe both this men a lifetime of gratitude.

“When you love people and have the desire to make a profound, positive impact upon the world, then will you have accomplished the meaning to live.” - Sasha Azevedo (b. 1978)