Taking Stock

The one aspect of my UBBT this year that has been constantly challenging me is my journal content. I have been publicly journaling every week since November 4, 2007. When I started my journal I was blogging for myself - venting and musing about things that weighed on my mind. When I was part of UBBT 6, our team completed the I Am Project that had directed journaling as part of our requirements. I found that process to be very stimulating and it took my journaling into a different direction. After completing UBBT 7 and UBBT 8, my journaling started to be directed more toward my students and my school. Today I find my journaling content alternating focus from my UBBT to my school and students, with less musing and venting. Venting is not as easy as it used to be without polarizing people. It seems no one really wants to open their minds to political or socio-economic views other than their own.

My training has been a bit of a dog show this year. I’ve had a couple of major physical setbacks that are making it difficult to push myself like I want to. I have an elbow issue that has been lingering from a rollerblading wipeout from July 2016. I finally had an ultrasound and x-ray that gave me a definitive diagnosis that does not make complete sense to me. The wipeout injured my elbow, the ultrasound and x-ray show inflammation that is being promoted by bone spurs. None of this surprised me except for what they say is the cause of my bone spurs - repetitive motion.  I have never heard of bone spurs being caused by soft tissue pulling on the bone repetitively. The repetitive motion I have going on in the elbow is the half million or so pushups I have completed over the past 10 years. Not too sure what I can do about this.

The more serious physical issue I have is my right knee. I have had five surgeries on my knees to date and the right one does not have a lot of cartilage left. I am definitely feeling it these past two years where it almost feels like bone on bone. No high impact techniques for that leg goes without saying. What is frustrating is that when I use my left leg, my right cannot support me without pain.

Setbacks and injuries are nothing new, nor unexpected. I just have to keep myself strong mentally and make sure I keep putting one foot in front of the other.

“"Maybe that's enlightenment enough: to know that there is no final resting place of the mind; no moment of smug clarity. Perhaps wisdom... is realizing how small I am, and unwise, and how far I have yet to go." - Anthony Bourdain (1956 - 2018)

My Wagon

I am two weeks into the new lunar year and yesterday I had the first meeting with my Year of the Dog I Ho Chuan team. The first meeting of the year is always fairly loose and usually short. This early in everyone is engaged and making progress. Once the snow starts to melt, things will change for a lot of people. Priorities get challenged by the new opportunities offered by the new season.

I challenged my team to stay true to their commitments, especially their journaling commitment. If you fall of the wagon somewhere down the line, it is important that your journal up to that point has defined just what wagon you have fallen off of. Knowing where you are and what you are doing is key if you want to get to somewhere else.

So what wagon am I on? After ten years of dedicating myself to mastery, the wagon I am on is quite a bit different than the one I have been riding up to now. Back in 2009, after UBBT 6, I achieved effortless effort in my kung fu. The structure I had established kept me on track and made it easy to achieve my physical and spiritual goals. So what is different?

Two events, almost a year apart, woke me up to the mediocrity I had allowed to seep into my process over the past ten years. The first event was the death of Master Margitte Hilbig on December 27, 2016. Margie was a huge influence in my life and losing her is still something I have difficulty comprehending. The amount of knowledge that is now inaccessible to the world is unfathomable. The second event was my visit with Master Dave McNeill on November 13, 2017. During my visit Master McNeill let me know that he was going to be retiring from teaching. Once again, the amount of knowledge that would be retiring with him is devastating to think about.

In my conversation with Master McNeill, he suggested I take part in the upcoming UBBT and dedicate the year to Master Hilbig. Up to that day, I had decided that this year would not be a good year for me to take on the UBBT. I had massive responsibility to my own I Ho Chuan team, I was finishing up my BMET career, and I was only a year into my marriage. Not to mention my kung fu was going great — I had logged over a half million pushups over the past ten years, and I had not slowed down since my first UBBT. The second I began to formulate the sentence required to tell Master Dave all of this, I realized I had to do the UBBT. If everything was going so great and I was firing on all cylinders, why would I hesitate?

Thanks to that conversation, I was brought to reality as to where I was. I was a long way from where I thought I was. A lot of mediocrity was present in my training. I had chronic inflammation in my shoulders and my knees. I may have been training hard but I was not training smart.

So back to the wagon that I am on. I am retooling everything I do. My daily structure is gone, and I am starting from scratch. First thing I am focusing on is the quality of my pushups first, quantity second. I am keeping up with my daily 180 but it is taking me a lot longer to complete them. The result has been less inflammation.

I am spending more time this year eating more mindfully. I am not changing what I am eating, I am just consuming it while being more present. Who would have thought that something as simple as consuming an apple could be accomplished so much better?

I am beginning and ending every day with gratitude for Margie Hilbig and everything she has brought, and continues to bring, into my life. I miss her but I continue to learn from her.

With those three main focuses providing the scaffolding that I will build my year around, the rest of my personal goals will fall into place. Perspective is everything for me when it comes to staying on track. Staying physically engaged and mentally present while I begin and end every day with gratitude will keep my perspective clear.

“I believe it's strikingly important to remember that when you know better, you can do better. With higher levels of awareness, you can make smarter choices. And the more clarity you get as to who you want to become, the quicker you can start making the choices need to get you there.” - Robin S. Sharma (b. 1969)

Meditations

It has been a long time coming but I have finally got around to reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Aurelius was the last of what Machiavelli coined “The Five Good Emperors”.  Marcus Aurelius never meant for his writings to be published or read by any other. His writings were private journals meant for his eyes only. I have always been fascinated with the miracle that his writings have survived this long. They were written on ancient papyrus, and here I am today, reading them on my iPad. I wonder what the Roman Emperor would think of that?

He may have ruled ancient Rome two thousand years ago but I find the problems we face today are virtually identical to the problems and moral dilemmas that Marcus Aurelius faced so long ago. Environmental issues, social injustice, conspicuous consumption — two millennia later and we seem to have made little progress on issues that continue to plague mankind.

Meditations is a humbling and inspiring read. A two thousand year old message of simplicity, compassion, accountability, and mindful living. An important message indeed.

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." 

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”

“The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it.”

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.”

“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” 

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” 

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” 

“The soul becomes dyed with the colour of its thoughts.” 

“If it is not right do not do it; if it is not true do not say it.” 

 - Marcus Aurelius (121 - 180)

Truth

There are days where the journalling is more difficult than others. Today is one of those days. I try to keep my journal focused on gratitude and mindfulness but today it is proving difficult for me to put aside the righteous rage that can overpower me when mindfulness exposes things that should shame us all. Poverty and war fill the news while I live my life in coddled isolation, almost oblivious to that harsh reality, shielded by my birthright.

One of my favourite quotes from Bruce Lee helps ground me on my rage days.

“Truth has no path. Truth is living and, therefore, changing. Awareness is without choice, without demand, without anxiety; in that state of mind, there is perception. To know oneself is to study oneself in action with another person. Awareness has no frontier; it is giving of your whole being, without exclusion.” - Bruce Lee (1940 - 1973)

Evolution

I spent a lot of time cleaning out my email this week. I tend to hold a few gigabytes of data in my mailboxes and every so often I get rid of old, no longer relevant, messages. Mixed in with the soon to be deleted bunch are always a few gems that can be inspiring to revisit.

Change is constant. Reading old correspondences can be a real eye opener to just how much I have changed. I have dedicated the majority of my life to mastery but my focus has never been as intense as it has been these past five years. Nor has change, and that's change for the better, been more prevalent.

Reading my old emails remind me that I am evolving. Everyday I go to bed a different person than I was when I woke up that morning. It's up to me to fill my day with things that ensure I am evolving into the person I want to be.

“We change, whether we like it or not.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

Connecting the Dots

Journalling has never been an easy undertaking for me. My thoughts and ideas tend to be very abstract in nature and I would describe many of my decisions and strategies to be intuition based. Obviously my intuition is based upon the sum of my experiences but that experiential knowledge resides more at a subconscious level making it difficult for me to provide logical explanations and justifications for the decisions I make and the value system that influences them. Hence why journalling is such and arduous task for me.

Rewind to six years ago. My friend and mentor, Tom Callos, convinced me to commit to a weekly journalling routine. Not something I wanted to do but my respect for Tom inspired me to go outside my comfort zone and trust his advice that weekly journalling is an important tool of mastery.

Fast forward to today. Weekly journalling is no easier for me today than it was when I started six years ago. In fact it is a little more difficult. I continue to struggle to find my voice and temper my postings so that they serve more than just a venue to vent my rage and frustrations. The world is not even close to being perfect but there are constructive and non-divisive ways of addressing the issues I am passionate about. I am learning and my progress continues to be slow but steady.

Despite the difficulty I face in journalling every week, the benefits I have realized by using this tool have been spectacular. I often talk to my students about expanding their vocabulary of motion and in that vein I have found weekly journalling has expanded my vocabulary when it comes to defining the benefits of kung fu.

A tool is only useful as such if you use it. I have used my journalling tool 299 times in the last six years. I have journaled about politics, the environment, mental health, kung fu, pets, and life in general. My postings haven't all been gems but each one served its purpose by helping me find my voice and learn what has gone into making me who I am.

“Words are the voice of the heart.” - Confucious (551 - 479 BC)

Mastery Once Again

Mastery is a simple concept that is difficult to understand, harder to teach, and a monumental struggle to consistently embrace. Yet once you fully grasp the ideal of mastery, everything changes. Activity is no longer confused with progress and every action you take has a sense of purpose. Everything you do is another step forward on the relentless march toward your goals.

Sometimes it is easier to define something by identifying what it is not. Mastery is not a part time commitment. Either you are on the path to mastery or you are not. If you challenge yourself to give up a bad habit for a month and then resume your old ways after the month is up, the whole exercise only served to stroke your ego without generating any lasting benefit. Mastery brings permanent change and permanent change requires full time commitment.

Mastery is not a sacrifice, it is an investment. If your path to mastery feels like a responsibility rather than an opportunity, you are on the wrong path. The path to mastery serves you, you do not serve it. Mastery is a process you adopt, not a program you complete.

Steps toward mastery:

• Change your self talk. Excuses are motivation killers. If I put my mind to it I can come up with hundreds of excuses to not complete my 180 pushups a day. The second I give air time to excuses the 180 pushups start to look like 1000 pushups. Change the self talk into a positive motivational tool. Find an excuse to do the pushups. For me that is easy because the pushups are an opportunity for me to reinforce my level of engagement, build my strength, and strengthen my resolve.

• Embrace structure. Habits provide a baseline to which we return to when our mental engagement level is low. Ensure those habits are positive habits that serve your commitment to mastery, My day is structured to guarantee I make progress toward my goals everyday. I never deviate from that structure because I remember how hard it was to get those healthy habits into place and, due to past failures, I understand intimately how easy they are to break.

• Reject mediocrity. From our political leaders to the substandard quality of the goods we consume, we all accept mediocrity. This needs to stop. Everything is changeable. In fact change is the only guarantee in life. We have the power to change things for the better. Before we can reject mediocrity we must first open our eyes and identify it. When a person says "good enough", I hear "mediocre". I accept nothing but the best from myself. I know I have a lot of mediocrity in my life but I am a work in progress. I acknowledge the mediocrity and I am working diligently to eliminate it.

• Share your journey. Everyone needs help. Build a support structure of mentors and other like-minded individuals who can help you when your focus begins to wane. Any support structure is only as useful as you allow it to be. Build it AND use it.

While I believe that anyone can embrace mastery, I acknowledge that mastery is not for everyone. Each of us are the sum of our experiences. so we all have different strengths and weaknesses. The playing field is never level but as long as the focus is on the journey and not the destination, the playing field is irrelevant.

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." - Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

Posted with Blogsy

Goodbye

This will be my last journal entry as part of the Ultimate Black Belt Test. My kung fu has been forever changed by my participation in the UBBT over the past few years and I feel immense gratitude for having the opportunity to be part of something this important.

I will continue on with my student team but the official UBBT is shutting down - for now. I’ve met many great people during my UBBT tenure and I am proud of the projects I have been involved in. I can’t think of a more significant or extraordinary initiative to influence the martial art industry in my lifetime than the Ultimate Black Belt Test. Tom Callos’ leadership and vision is helping us reclaim what it means to be a black belt.

“Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)

Because

I have been thinking a lot lately about why I do what I do. Not thinking in terms of wondering why, but rather in terms on how to logically and concisely convey my thoughts about this to others. This has always been a challenge for me. My thought process barely ventures beyond the abstract. This can make it difficult to get others on to the same page as myself.

I have strong feelings about activism, freedom, and human rights. My opinions obviously conflict with those of many people. Yet despite philosophical differences, there should be common ground in which we all can find instances where we agree. Whether or not you agree with your leader’s actions, you should never allow freedom and the democratic process to be compromised - no matter what. Once accepted, any compromise becomes the norm. Are you sure you are willing to accept that norm when you don’t agree with your leader’s actions? Or better yet, are you willing to accept this autocratic power to reside with the future leaders who are, as of now, an unknown quantity?

It is disheartening to see how much people are willing to compromise on their values as long as they feel the ends justify the means. If we are willing to give up our values for any reason, can we really consider them values?

“All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals. Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender. For it is all give and not take.” - Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948)

Acts of Kindness

As the Year of the Dragon enters its final months, my Year of the Snake I Ho Chuan team is gearing up for their UBBT challenge. As has been the case with all previous student UBBT teams, the acts of kindness log continues to be one of the most vexing requirements for my students. This requirement seemed somewhat redundant to me when I first challenged the Ultimate Black Belt Test but by midway through that first year, acts of kindness became the flagship requirement for my entire challenge.

I am a kind person. I tend to do kind things. Logging these kind acts seemed somewhat superfluous and perhaps a little narcissistic. Why would I take the time to write down an act that is just second nature?  Does not the benevolence of the act become somewhat tarnished if I am keeping score? All these questions and more went through my head as I prepared for my first UBBT. Since I had a gajillion other requirements to track and log I decided to stop thinking so much about the acts of kindness requirement and just do it. That’s when something wonderful happened.

The act of logging my kind acts made me much more mindful of the acts of kindness I was performing everyday. I was confirming what I knew all along - I am a kind person. Yet while I was busy patting myself on the back over my keen awareness of these kind acts I was performing, I became aware of all the opportunities to be kinder that I was missing. The simple act of making eye contact with a convenience store clerk and smiling could have a positive impact upon both of our days and yet this simple act was not something ingrained in my daily repertoire before I started logging my acts of kindness. Taking a moment to appreciate the sorry state of health of the cat that was harassing the fish in my fish pond before chasing it off, brought a new friend into my world and changed my life forever.

Logging my acts of kindness have made me a kinder person by keeping me aware of how my actions affect the world around me and directly impact the quality of my life. Happiness is found in a single moment. Awareness is the key.

“Those who make compassion an essential part of their lives find the joy of life. Kindness deepens the spirit and produces rewards that cannot be completely explained in words. It is an experience more powerful than words. To become acquainted with kindness one must be prepared to learn new things and feel new feelings. Kindness is more than a philosophy of the mind. It is a philosophy of the spirit.” - Robert J. Furey

That's It?

I’ve been tracking my pushups since mid 2008 and passed the quarter million plateau yesterday. I’ve been staring at that number - 250,000. It’s a big number but at the same time I can’t help but think - is that all? There is no doubt that 50,000 pushups/year is a pretty decent pace. Yet I feel like I have been doing pushups for so long that my total should be in the millions, not just 250,000.

Before I started tracking my numbers I had a lot of false assumptions about the state of my training. I had become complacent and in retrospect - lazy. When I don’t record my numbers I tend to be aware of everything I am doing but completely oblivious of everything I am not doing. I have wasted many years of potential progress that I can never get back.

My daily training journal has stopped the bleeding of wasted time. I can no longer lie to myself over how hard I am training because numbers are quantifiable and they do not lie.

For me, mastery is found in exploiting every opportunity for growth and recognizing those opportunities in every moment of every day.

“Stop the mindless wishing that things would be different. Rather than wasting time and emotional and spiritual energy in explaining why we don't have what we want, we can start to pursue other ways to get it.” - Greg Anderson (b. 1964)

This is a Test

This is a test. This is only a test. This is a test of the emergency blogging application known as Blogsy. Had this been a real blog, you would be reading something more profound and witty than this. Okay maybe not something more profound but definitely something more witty.

"A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure." - Lee Segall