Dad

Usually at this time of year I am thinking about beginnings. The lunar new year is always an opportunity to ground myself and reflect about what is important and then begin anew with a refreshed and refocused perspective. Perhaps it is because of the recent passing of Thich Nhat Hanh but this year I find myself thinking less about beginnings and more on endings.

My father passed away in April. His death was a long time coming and, ultimately, a welcome relief. His final years were not his best. Throughout my dad’s final journey, I found it difficult to maintain clarity on who he was when he was healthy. The COPD and dementia had taken over him so completely that I had resigned myself to the fact that the clear memories of his final battle were replacing my memories of who he was before his decline.

Nine months after his passing, I have less memories of my father’s decline and horrible final years and more of who he was throughout his life. Perhaps this welcome surprise is evidence that I am beginning anew for the year after all. I miss you dad but I recognize and am grateful for your continuation.

“We are the continuation of all our ancestors. Thanks to impermanence, we have a chance to transform our inheritance in a beautiful direction.” - Thich Nhat Hanh (1926 - 2022)

Thay

My mastery path has been blessed with the leadership and example of many mentors and teachers whose generosity has guided me throughout my life. I revere my lineage and I know my life and accomplishments have been built upon the foundation others have helped me build. It is difficult to not feel the strain on that foundation when I lose one of them.

Thich Nhat Hanh’s influence on the world is well-documented and he has been a big part of my life since I was a teenager. He has prepared me for the day that he would no longer be directly accessible but nevertheless I find myself overwhelmed by the magnitude of the loss.

For the first time in my life I am walking the earth without him in his familiar form. He will always be with me and for that I am grateful. How I miss him.

“If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.” - Thich Nhat Hanh (1926 - 2022)

ACTS OF JERKINESS

Probably the most important requirement to earn a black belt in my school is the Acts of Kindness requirement. Every black belt candidate must record at least one thousand acts of kindness in the year. I stress the ‘record’ aspect of the requirement.

I don’t think anyone can argue the value and purpose of performing an act of kindness to earn a black belt. Humbleness and empathy are important attributes for a person looking to earn recognition for their fighting ability. As a martial artist, I am not interested in feeding anyone’s ego or narcissistic attitude. Knowledge with humility is what I value.

Despite the obvious value of such a requirement, I get a lot of questions and even objections about the recording aspect of the requirement. “I do dozens of kind acts everyday. Why would I write them all down?” Is the most common argument against recording each act. Sometimes the value of something may seem so obvious that people do not delve deeper into the depth of that value.

Perhaps if I changed the requirement from recording ‘Acts of Kindness’ to recording ‘Acts of Jerkiness’, I would generate deeper understanding and appreciation for the potential of the requirement. For me acts of kindness are easy, just like they are for everyone else. Most of us are naturally kind. However when I started recording my acts of kindness, I became much more mindful and aware of the kind acts I was doing but more importantly, I began noticing a lot of opportunities to be even more kind that I had been missing.

Maybe if I kept closer track of all the times in a day I am actually being somewhat of a jerk, I would become more kind. Sometimes focusing on the negative helps us eliminate the negatives to make our lives more positive.

Master and mediocrity, kindness and jerkiness. Two sides of the same coins

. Where you find one, you will find the other. The Yin and the Yang.

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” —The 14th Dalai Lama (b. 1935)

Avoidance and Engagment

Disciplining yourself over the long term to achieve your goals is never easy. There are always motivational traps eroding away at your resolve and affecting your self-talk.

I have been through a lot in my lifetime when it comes to my training. I think I have tried every shortcut I could think of when it comes to kung fu; only to face the ultimately reality that I had wasted more time trying to save time. There are no shortcuts to mastery.

My experience has given me a lot of empathy for my students and what they face. Mastery is not an easy journey. The self doubt, the negative self-talk, the long hours - everything seems to be against you.

The common response to the overwhelming magnitude of the mastery journey is withdrawal and avoidance. We avoid thinking about the positives and withdraw from engaging ourselves in the very activities that we know to be beneficial. Our negative self-talk convinces us that the value of what we seek is not worth the investment of our time and sweat.

When we are going through difficult times we tend to disengage - the exact opposite strategy we should be using. Not avoiding but rather pushing ourselves to engage has a positive snowball effect on our attitude. Our perspective clears and clarity returns to our vision and our thoughts. Unfortunately, that is easier said than done.

I am extremely passionate about kung fu because it has changed my life. Everything I have is due to kung fu. I know it will change the life of anyone who embraces the art and I have dedicated the last thirty years to help people realize their potential.

Unfortunately I can only do so much. Being eager to help is only part of the solution. Engagement is necessary to access help.

“He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.” - Joseph Heller (1923 - 1999)

2022

I can remember Y2K like it was yesterday. I remember as a kid thinking that I was going to be old when 1999 flips over to 2000. Here we are twenty two years later. Life is shorter than we think.

2022 will mark the fourth year of COVID-19. No travel, limited socialization. During the pandemic I have only seen my parents a handful of times and my father had to die alone earlier this year. I have watched my 85 year old aunt’s mobility decrease drastically because she has not had access to her aquacise class for the duration. Lives have been put on hold but life never stops evolving and we do not stop aging.

For me the pandemic has brought a lot of positive change to my life. I have had to become more mindful with my business and my daily routine. This mindfulness has eliminated substantial mediocrity from my life - mediocrity that I was not aware existed. I see a lot of people who have put their lives on hold while the pandemic runs its course. Mindfulness has made me aware that, because of mediocrity, a lot of my life was on hold. I am grateful that the pandemic woke me up and reminded me to live.

Life is short. Live always.

“Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us. Oh be swift to love, make haste to be kind.” - Henri Frederic Amiel (1821 - 1881)