Misery Loves Company`

Fear of failure can be crippling. I remind all of my students that there is always growth and benefit from effort. We learn from our attempts and refine our approach accordingly. Every attempt is one more step closer to our ultimate goal. The only true failure is when you fail to even try.

Insecurities can be alleviated or reinforced depending upon what one is trying to accomplish. Unfortunately one of the most common reactions to insecurity is to seek validation. There is logic behind whom we choose to share our insecurities with. Our choice depends upon whether we want help to overcome our insecurities or whether we want another passenger on our pity bandwagon. It is more often the latter than the former as misery loves company.

The solution to insecurities ultimately lies within. There are a lot of strategies that can be employed to empower ourselves to take responsibility and, ultimately, control over our situation.

• Ask yourself how your words and actions serve you? This one act of mindfulness can change a situation rather than drag someone else down into it.

• The solution lies within so talk about your insecurities. Share with someone who can help as opposed to searching out like-minded people to validate your feelings.

• When listening to others, don't just listen to what they are saying, listen to why they are saying it. It is easy to get get your back arched when you are not hearing what you want to hear. If you consider why someone is saying what they are saying it is always easier to recognize the benevolent heart behind their words.

• Become a resource for others. Help them through their insecurities and you will develop solid strategies for dealing with your own.

“If men as individuals surrender to the call of their elementary instincts, avoiding pain and seeking satisfaction only for their own selves, the result for them all taken together must be a state of insecurity, of fear, and of promiscuous misery.” - Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)

Germany

I have been in Germany for the past week with little or no internet access. The Germans don't seem to sweat their lack of connectivity as much as we do in Canada. Hotel wifi tends to be very problematic but everyone seems to just go with the flow. Immersing myself in a foreign culture has identified some things I am not proud of in my own.

We take resources for granted in Canada. The towns in Germany are spectacularly clean and they take reducing and recycling very seriously. The supplies in a German hotel room are spartan compared to Canadian hotels. Litter is almost non existent and I would estimate 30% of residences in some communities utilize solar power.

There is a lot we can learn from the German example. They equate the quality of their environment with the quality of their lives.

'The frog does not drink up the pond in which it lives." - Chinese Proverb

Green Business Certification

I have been incorporating Environmental Self Defence into my curriculum for a few years now through various projects and initiatives. I am a firm believer that respect for the environment is an integral component of developing respect for oneself.

It is not easy to always do what is right for the environment, let alone encourage that responsible behaviour in my students. I continue to butt heads with students and parents concerning issues like the banning of bottled water products from Silent River Kung Fu. I do my best to lead by example and I am slowly making progress along the environmental responsibility front.

I am proud to say that as of June 14, 2013, Silent River Kung Fu became the first martial arts school in Canada to be Certified as a Green Business. When I began pursuing this certification a year ago, my intention was to set a strong example for my students and community but my achievement paid dividends beyond my original goal through the additional knowledge I acquired during the certification process.

I am reminded that no effort expended toward self improvement is ever wasted.

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” - Earnest Hemingway (1899 - 1961)

Control

I've been encouraging my daughter to change the words she chooses to use when describing a negative experience. I remind her that words can resonate forever and, at a minimum, colour her perceptions and her mood. The words we use mirror our thoughts and vice versa. Change one and the other will also change. It is much easier to change words than it is to change thoughts. I remind her that everyone has a choice in the words they use, they just need to exercise that control.

We are constantly bombarded with experiences and situations that evoke emotions that influence our responses. It is important to be reminded that while we cannot control what others say and do, we can control how we choose to interpret what they say and do. Taking it one step further we can control how we respond to what they say and do. This is the control I am talking about when I tell my students that a black belt needs to be a control freak. I want everything in my mind to be my responsibility. I want to decide what will and will not influence me. I am 100% accountable for my situation. If I do not like it, I have the power to change it.

“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.” - Albert Ellis (1913 - 2007)

It's the Little Things

I have the world's best job. I spend everyday surrounded by people endeavouring to improve themselves and the world around them. There is no greater source of inspiration than sharing the journey to mastery with someone. You feed on each other's accomplishments and you lend a hand when one of you falter. Experience has shown me that it is the little things that are the difference between failure and success.

I constantly remind my students that every moment of everyday is another opportunity. It is the little things we choose to do with those moments that move us closer to our goals or, at a minimum, open doors for future opportunities. We all know that often inspiration and success are achieved by nothing more than being in the right place at the right time. When it comes to kung fu, I remind my students that we have no control over the right time. You can have the same lesson taught to you by your instructor over and over and it never gets through until one day all the pieces seem to fit and the lesson finally sticks. It is just the right time. While we may not have control over the right time, we have absolute control over the right place — the kwoon. At the kwoon we are surrounded by like-minded individuals, all focused on our own and each other's success. You are not going to learn kung fu sitting in front of a television. Each time you show up for class, you create the opportunity to improve.

Everyone looks for a game-changing experience or opportunity when it comes to achieving their goals. Often it is the seemingly insignificant opportunities that we miss while we are busy searching for those big opportunities that keep us mired in mediocrity.

I have noticed three little things that make a big difference when it comes to achieving long-term goals:

• Always show up. Woddy Allen has famously said the “90% of life is just showing up.” While things rarely work out exactly as initially envisioned, no effort is wasted. Every moment is a chance to exploit an opportunity or a chance to create an opportunity. Neither is possible unless you actually show up and try.

• It's all about the push-ups. Pushups, situps, walking, running, anything mindless and easy. These are things a person can do when they are sick, busy, or just plain unmotivated. If you can discipline yourself to make something mindless a part of everyday AND turn it into something extraordinary, you've got some serious motivational mojo working for you. I do over 50,000 pushups every year. That works out to about 180 pushups every day. Pretty mundane stuff unless you keep track of your numbers. That documentation motivates me when I forget about my past accomplishments and serves to remind me that consistency is the key. The daily toil keeps me engaged in my success even when I am struggling. My pushups create new opportunities every day while getting me closer to my goals.

• It's the journey that is important. Whether or not I achieve my goals, there is value in the effort. One of the greatest gifts my parents gave me was the gift of music. Growing up I thought of it as more or a curse than a gift. Having to practice the piano everyday while I could see my friends playing hockey outside my window was torture. I never became a concert pianist but there is no question in my mind about the value I got out of studying the piano for all those years. The meat was in my journey, not my accomplishment.

“Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things.” - Frank A. Clark (1911 - 1991)