Franticness

Franticness. I watch a lot of franticness every week. People franticly trying to accomplish their tasks, people franticly trying to fit in. I know people who find it impossible to sit through a movie at home without needing to get up and do something in the middle of it, their minds trapped in a perpetual frantic commotion. Other people jump franticly from one experience to another, declaring each time that their latest experience is life altering and yet they never stop searching. So much franticness is applied to our lives in some sort of quest to build the life we wish to live that we tend to forget to actually live.

The fact is, everything is constantly changing and nothing is permanent. We will all be different people when we go to bed tonight than we were when we woke up this morning. Any notion to the contrary is a reflection of our own self esteem and arrogance. My decisions, my values, and my accomplishments are all based upon my experiences and influences, and thus every experience, no matter its magnitude, is relevant to who we are and who we will become.

May I have the wisdom to remain flexible in my views and recognize that truth is found in life, not dogma. If my humbleness is such that I recognize that others change as I do, I will become less judgmental, allowing me to listen and experience with an open heart, and become more receptive to the miracles life has to offer in the present moment.

“Present-moment living, getting in touch with your now, is at the heart of effective living. When you think about it, there really is no other moment you can live. Now is all there is, and the future is just another present moment to live when it arrives.” - Wayne Dyer (b. 1940)

I Am Project - In Training

I am currently in Estes Park, Colorado attending a mindfulness retreat under Thich Nhat Hanh. As with most things in life, nothing has gone as planned.

My first flirtation with disaster was when the airline misplaced my luggage. I didn’t think that was possible when you have a direct flight but it turns out it is. I say misplaced because their computer showed that both me and my luggage got off the same plane but my luggage somehow did not make its way up to the claim carousel. The airline’s lost luggage department could not contact the baggage department because no one was answering their pages or phone calls so I was stuck until an incredibly nice lady went through extraordinary measures to help me out. She said I was making her feel guilty for being so patient and respectful (acts of kindness are really paying off). She took the time to close her desk and make a trip “to the dungeon” as she described it, to look for my luggage. Thanks to a big cat name tag my daughter had put on my suitcase, my luggage was found amongst a conglomeration of other plain black suitcases caught in airport travel limbo.

It has been a lifelong dream of mine to spend at least six months studying Zen full time, but life is such that some things are destined to stay only dreams. The next best thing to studying Zen full time is to have the opportunity to attend an event like this with a Zen Master. I was obviously disappointed to learn upon my arrival that Thich Nhat Hanh had been hospitalized in Massachusetts with a lung infection and would not be able to attend this retreat. Yes I was disappointed yet things, it seems, always work out for me. I realize now that I came here for all the wrong reasons. If Thich Nhat Hanh had not become sick and had attended this event, his presence would have defined the event for me and I would have possibly missed out on one of the most significant opportunities of my life.

Anyone who has not felt the presence of God has not experienced walking meditation in complete silence with one thousand other people. I have never been a social person and crowds make me uncomfortable, yet here I am sharing an intensely personal experience with one thousand complete strangers and not only enjoying it, but relishing it. Alone with my thoughts, and concentrating on staying in the moment, I felt an incredible connection to everyone around me yet the only sound in the mountain air was that of our treading footsteps, the wind rustling through the trees, and the singing birds. Words and conversation would have only ruined the experience. Sometimes the best things in life happen in those moments of noble silence.

This experience has given me great hope for the future of mankind. I think often of how many of our great leaders are coming to the end of their lives and I wonder if there will be anyone ready to take their place when the time comes. Seeing Thich Nhat Hanh’s monastics in action this week, and sharing this whole experience with one thousand other like minded souls, leaves no doubt in my mind that our potential is strong.

“The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, dwelling deeply into the present moment and feeling truly alive.” - Thich Nhat Hanh (b. 1926)

I am Project - Engaged

As I prepare for what is usually my busiest time of year, I have been spending some time reflecting upon my goals and progress.

It seems impossible that I am over half way through my Ultimate Black Belt Test. It seems like I just started and am still building momentum. My UBBT journey to date has been one big paradox. While there hasn’t been a minute of any day that has passed that I haven’t been totally engaged with my test and working toward my goals, I have not accomplished nearly what I had expected considering the sweat and effort I have been applying. I have to admit though, this has been the best year I have ever had for personal growth.

I have completed 42,105 pushups, 37,617 sit ups, and 888 acts of kindness, My other numbers reflect the struggle I have had with my leg issues. My BJJ mat time has been kept to only 15 hours and promises to stay at that number for the duration of my test. The knees just can’t take the strain of the grappling. My form and sparring have both also suffered from my ailment coming in at 233 reps and 144 rounds respectively while I have been able to only accumulate 634 kilometers of running/walking. However, I am thankful for the opportunity my ailment has provided me. I have adjusted my goals to reflect my leg limitation and have broadened my test’s scope to include many organizational goals as well. I am definitely getting a great return on my investment with the UBBT.

For the first time in a couple of decades, I feel able to concentrate on my own training. This spring I got to spend few days with Master McNeill learning some of his cane system. I learn a lot every time I get a chance to talk to him. I can’t believe how fortunate I am to have the opportunity to hang out with someone like Master Dave. I have been accepted to study under lion dance master Yiu Tai Tung in Hong Kong. My legs won’t allow me to begin this training for a few more months, inevitably after UBBT 6 ends, but I am really stoked about achieving this goal in 2010 or 2011. Next week I will be traveling to study with Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, one of my living heros. I am giddy in anticipation. What a year this has been so far!

“In the present circumstances, no one can afford to assume that someone else will solve their problems. Every individual has a responsibility to help guide our global family in the right direction. Good wishes are not sufficient; we must become actively engaged.” - Dali Lama (b. 1935)

I Am Project - Rational

The level of apathy and indifference I see in the world can overwhelm me at times. The absolutely insane things people and societies can rationalize boggles the mind. As a group, maybe it’s time for us to slow down, take a deep breath, and think about the rationality of our actions.

As of 2010, the province of Alberta is banning weed and feed lawn products. The herbicide-fertilizer combination contains a chemical called 2,4,-D (2,4-dichlorophenoxyacetic acid) that is highly mobile when it runs off lawns into storm drainage systems and drains into creeks, rivers and ultimately our water supply. With Alberta’s abysmal environmental record, you have to figure that the water supply must be significantly damaged or at risk for the government to take such action. In response to the pending ban, garden suppliers massively stocked up on weed and feed in anticipation of the public doing the same thing. As predicted, everyone is now sold out of the toxic chemical but well stocked consumers will be continuing to poison our water supply for many more years to come. All in the name of a green, lush lawn.

Where are we heading? If our group response to the banning of a toxic chemical is to stock up on that chemical, can we ever be trusted to make rational decisions for the sake of the planet and future generations?

When I am rational, the argument concerning global warming and environmental awareness is irrelevant. Conspicuous consumption and prioritizing the economy above the environment are relevant issues that have us on the brink of disaster. They must be addressed. From my perspective, these problems are not that difficult to solve. We just need to think things through.

“The conspicuous consumption of limited resources has yet to be accepted widely as a spiritual error, or even bad manners.” - Barbara Kingsolver (b.1955)

I Am Project - A Warrior

I grew up in a Canada that had the international reputation as a peace keeper. Up until Afghanistan I had never experienced war in my lifetime. Now Canada has been at war in Afghanistan for so long that there are hardly any children in the country who can recall a time when we were not at war. War is the norm for them and their impression of what it means to be a Canadian is vastly different than mine.

Support our troops. I am bombarded by this message a hundred times a day via bumper stickers. Support our troops. I am always carefully censoring myself when I express my opinions out of fear that I may be interpreted as not supporting our troops. I have nothing but respect for my country and even more respect for anyone who is willing to die for what they believe in. Our troops have my complete support and there is not a day that goes by that I do not reflect upon the sacrifice they are making.

125. That is the total number of Canadians who have died in Afghanistan while serving our country. At some point we all must ask ourselves the big question: What exactly are they dying for? Of course there are all the standard reasons: “They’re making our country safe”, “They’re fighting terrorism there so we don’t have to fight it here”, “They’re protecting our rights and our values”, “They’re standing up for what Canada believes in”, there are plenty of reasons. Support our troops. How do I best support our troops? Do I blindly throw my support into the war and not question the ultimate logic of waging an ideological battle without dialogue or negotiation? Does it really support our troops if I do not question the long term consequences of trying to solve a problem with a gun and an eye for an eye philosophy? Are my great grandchildren going to be expected to support the troops of their generation while they are fighting in a war being fought over the hatred our wars of today are creating? Maybe the best way I can support our troops is to ask the question - HOW? How does waging this war make my country safer? How do our actions and conduct at home and abroad reflect our values? I often wonder what the families of fallen soldiers are thinking when they see the country their loved one has died for, violating the rights of its own citizens and neglecting the very values that we are supposedly fighting for.

A warrior is someone who knows how to fight. A warrior has many means at his disposal to achieve his goals. Beyond the total annihilation of one’s opponent, a war very rarely resolves any conflict over the long term. It may suppress the conflict for a length of time but it does not resolve it. A warrior recognizes and utilizes the best method to achieve his goals. Sometimes the best method is not the brutal imposition of your will.

The best way we can support our troops in Afghanistan is by enforcing accountability at home and demand that our leaders uphold the laws and values Canadian men and women are dying to protect. It’s time to stand up and be counted.

“I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only as one who has seen its brutality, its futility, its stupidity.” - Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969)