Finding the Lesson

As I continue to mature, I recognize more and more the challenges created by my own ego. Ego-based decisions are not always easy to identify and they tend to undermine goals rather than advance them.

I have found that two questions usually suffice to separate ego from logical conversational decisions:
• Is my goal to learn or is it to prove myself to be correct?
• How are my words serving my goal?

It is amazing how much you learn when you are not too busy trying to be right. More often than not the best lessons in life are learned from those who do not agree with you.

“Receive without pride, let go without attachment.” - Marcus Aurelius (121 - 180)

Dad

Sunday was Fathers Day but of course with COVID-19 a simple visit is not so simple. My dad has been very isolated since the pandemic began in March. Up to a few weeks ago, visits were not allowed in his care facility so his only connection to his family has been maintained through telephone conversations. Not ideal for a man who is hard of hearing and struggling with his memory.

My visit with dad on Saturday was better than a telephone conversation but only slightly less frustrating. Having to conduct the visit outside while wearing a mask and maintaining two metres distance, made communication less than ideal. We had enough troubles ourselves understanding our muffled voices through the masks but his situation was that much worse without being able to see our faces and being even further away.

I haven’t hugged my dad for over three months. With the pandemic still soldiering on, I am not sure if it is even going to be possible again before his time here with me is over. I’m grateful to have had another Father’s Day with him even though it was less than ideal.

“Lately all my friends are worried they’re turning into their fathers. I’m worried I’m not.” - Dan Zezinho

Fear

A lot of people make decisions based upon fear. Their careers, their recreation, their politics are determined by their fears. Fear of what would happen if they went out of their comfort zone and fear of where we would end up if the status quo were not maintained.

The problem with fear is that it can be all consuming and illogical at the same time. Standing frozen at the entrance of your bedroom because you can see a snake waiting for you in the dimly lit room will dominate your thoughts and your actions until the fear is dealt with. It is not as if you can just wander back into the living room and forget that there is a snake in your bedroom. You are not going to eat, go to work, and most definitely you are not going to sleep. Your fear is in control.

Having your friend save the day by turning on your bedroom light to show you that what you thought was a snake was actually your neck tie hanging on the back of a chair brings tremendous relief - for now. The irrational thinking may be gone but the fear that caused the irrational thinking remains along with the consequences of the irrational thinking.

It is not always easy to think things through, especially when your thoughts and decisions are controlled by your fear. Some fears are well earned through empirical experience but many fears we carry were placed upon our shoulders by societal inertia and cultural paradigms.

Clearly we do not live in a utopian state. There is no possible way we can cater to everyone’s fears, but if we take the time to illuminate the issues that affect the most vulnerable members of our society, fear-based reactions can be replaced by logical solutions.

 “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato (427 BC - 347 BC)

Danger Zone = Comfort Zone

Yesterday marked our first anti-virus edition of our Tiger Challenge tournament. Tournaments tend to be a high anxiety event for many competitors so they are a wonderful tool to help people normalize stepping out of their comfort zone. This year’s version of the tournament may have been online but it was no less anxiety-inducing nevertheless.

I am always amazed at how different we all are when it comes to performance anxiety. While everyone stepped up and performed amazingly well during an obvious stressful situation, some were able to achieve levels that I cannot imagine myself being capable of.

My personal highlight of the day was judging the virtual fight choreography and creative karaoke forms divisions. I know Silent River Kung Fu is the first martial arts school in history to ever have a student compete in a forms competition while singing “I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener” while another performed while singing a rendition of  “Danger Zone” that featured what appeared to be a Stratocaster-equipped guitar solo. Yes, this really happened. You can’t make this stuff up.

“We have a normal. As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.” - Robin S. Sharma (b. 1964)