Second Guessing

This week I am dealing with the possible reality of my sixth knee surgery.  Going through this five previous times, I am pretty adept at recognizing cartilage problems.  The physical issues are real and disconcerting but the psychological toll this type of things takes on a person is much more significant.

I have no idea what I am doing that is tearing up my knees. The most significant tears came during my hockey years and were the reason I gave up the sport competitively.  I am never aware of an incident that has damaged my knees, I just wake up one day and notice there is something wedging in my joint.  Every time this happens, I find myself second guessing things. Should I have gone roller blading last week? Why am I still doing those stupid flying kicks? Do I really need to spar so aggressively?

The years go by and the body revolts. While I have a few regrets about breaking bricks with my fists in the past, I have no complaints about the active life I continue to be blessed with.  I still feel like I did when I was fourteen, just with more inflammation.

“If I knew I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” - Micky Mantle (1931 - 1995)